


SMAU: Yoosung Kim

by Zifeara



Series: For Whom the Soul Sings [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Actually no one had to deal with Rika, Angst, Bad Ideas, College AU, Drunken sex, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, I made up a lot of terms based on Latin, Problems, Put the big warning on it just in case, Soulmate AU, The Choi twins had a different backstory a little, The RFA never existed, Things Don't Go As Planned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-12 07:09:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zifeara/pseuds/Zifeara
Summary: They always say there's someone for everyone, but it was true. Everyone had a soulmate, but not everyone has the same type of Bond. Some see only in black and white until they meet. Some have visions of the other's life at random times, glimpses of their current actions. Some, like Yoosung, can draw on their skin and have their marks show up on their soulmate. Yoosung's soulmate is an artist; they'll draw him beautiful pictures, but for some reason... they don't talk to him. Now it's time for him to go to college and he's really hoping his perfect girl is just around the corner. The problem is... what if he's right?





	1. You Wish

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is my collection for Yoosung Week 2018! This fic IS going to have some tough themes to it in places, but I will be writing down things to look out for in each individual chapter so that you know what's coming :)
> 
> My good friend Thwippersnapple is going to be doing some art/collab pieces for me throughout and there will be some songs you can listen to linked in the text if you want to know what's playing at any given time, so keep a lookout for those links!
> 
> Chapter warnings: Slightly underage drinking, Bad memories

There were plenty of things in life most people took for granted. People with great lives complained that things weren’t the way they wanted. People who knew what they wanted to do and got to do it, came from good families that gave them every head start possible, had everything laid out nice and easy for them since day one. Yoosung liked to think he wasn’t that way. But now as he lay across his best friend’s couch, only a little drunk and watching the older boy shake his head… he wasn’t so sure.

 

“Yoosung, you can’t rush this kind of thing, you know? Besides, at least your Bond is an easy one; what I would give to have yours instead of mine is ridiculous.”

 

The redhead picked his legs up and sat on the couch, replacing them in his lap and smiling that overly genuine smirk of his. Yoosung knew he was right. At least things were simple in that regard. Lifting his arm above his head, he admired the painted galaxy sprawling across his forearm. His soulmate always made him something special before he had a big test or before a very important event. She had been doing so for years now. He should be grateful for it, but it wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted to know who she was.

 

 

In fact, he wanted to know _anything_ more about her. In all the years they’d communicated via drawing and writing on each other, she had only told him 3 personal things for certain; she was definitely a girl, she was older than he was by almost 3 years, and that she did at least live in Korea. Other than that… she actually never wrote anything on him and he had to pester her for over a _year_ just to get that much.

When all of this had first started, he had thought he was extremely special; his type of Bond almost never manifested as early as it had. Usually Pigmentopaths didn’t start experiencing their Bond until they were in their teens, but Yoosung’s first drawing appeared on his arm when he was only 11. Yes it was simply a reminder to get someone a birthday gift, but it was accompanied by a sketch of a cat. A pretty good one, actually. He had let her know that he had seen what she did and loved it, asking question after question and for more of her drawings.

No matter what he did… she wouldn’t talk to him. She ignored everything he wrote on his arm for her for _months_ until school started back up again. He was so upset from the lack of communication by the first day of school, he sat by himself at lunch, sulking and wallowing in self pity. It wasn’t until something soft and fluffy landed on his head that he finally snapped out of it. Pulling the object down, he held the stuffed cat for a moment before looking up to see where it had come from. The bespectacled redhead in the tree grinned in a way that reminded Yoosung of a very different cat from a book he’d read and it wasn’t long till they were friends. His new buddy’s twin was another story, however. The younger brother was always reserved and detached; as far as Yoosung could remember, he’d never seen him talk to anyone at school.

Now as it was, 8 years later he was sitting on Saeyoung’s couch, lamenting the aloofness of his soulmate, drinking the sweet alcoholic liquid from the twin’s fridge he had been bribed with to not cry. It tasted like cake. Cake and the burn of impending regret. Yoosung knew he was a lightweight… actually he was still a year too young to drink, but Saeyoung was his best friend and had a tendency to cave whenever the blonde whined about something hard enough. Thus how he knew he really liked cake vodka as a coping mechanism. They would just… not tell Saeran they had taken some. He wasn’t here right now anyway.

He groaned and downed the last of his drink, knowing he would receive no more, but just about ready to be done moping for the time being. He still had to be presentable for tomorrow and should be getting back to his apartment anyhow. While he had unpacked a couple of days ago, it still didn’t feel like home yet. It probably wouldn’t for a while, but he was an adult now and that’s just the first step to being a man; living on his own.

 

“You gonna be okay now, Yoosung?”

 

Coming back to reality, he looked up to find Saeyoung still smiling though now there was a hint of concern in his eyes. The older boy was always nervous when he indulged this bad habit of his, which he definitely appreciated.

 

“Yeah Sae, I’ll be fine. Thanks for… you know… always doing this with me…”

 

The redhead grinned and gave a salute, patting the legs still in his lap.

 

“That’s what friends are for! As long as you don’t rat me out for providing alcohol to a minor, anyway. Oooooor tell Saeran it’s _his_ alcohol I’m providing. Now, let me drive you home?”

 

Yoosung nodded, swinging his legs off and standing, allowing himself to be shuffled out to his best friend’s car. The whole way back to his new apartment was filled with jokes and bad puns, tactics tried and proven to lighten his mood. So much so that when he put his key in the lock and stepped in, a bittersweet feeling washed over him. Now he got to spend the rest of his night alone. Before one of the biggest days of his life.

 

***

 

Map in one hand and books in the other, Yoosung was 100% lost. He really should have spent yesterday figuring out where his classes would be as opposed to hanging out with Saeyoung. Or better yet have done _both_ . But here he was- his first day of college; not a clue where he was going on a campus at least 4 times the size of his already expansive high school, the only two people he even knew now either in class or not really friendly with him. He had found his first two classes alright; his introductory biology and chemistry courses were in the same building and asking other students worked for finding the actual _rooms_ , but now he was in between buildings on what he thought was the correct side of campus. There weren't too many people out here at the moment, but he was pretty sure the structure in front of him was the right place. Well… it wouldn't hurt to ask, right?

The small group of oncoming students would be the easiest to bother. Didn't hurt that a few of the girls in it were cute. The instant Yoosung was close enough to talk to them and he opened his mouth, a bigger guy elbowed him out of the way to wrap an arm around one of the girls, knocking every single thing he was holding out of his hands. This was… admittedly not the best first day. Combine this with being lost all morning with the fact that he woke up late and spilled breakfast on himself so he had to change before he left and that made today kind of terrible honestly. He wanted to be optimistic, but looking at all his things on the ground pretty much threw that out the window. At least he had plenty of time before his next class still. As he knelt down to save his books, one of his notebooks popped into view, along with a few stray papers now tucked in the front cover.

 

“Need a hand, Blondie?”

 

Huh? Following the hand holding his things out to him, Yoosung found it attached to a pleasantly smiling face, indigo eyes framed by long ebony locks. She was nicely shaped, probably only an inch or two shorter than he was, making this the kind of thing that only happened in movies. The girl was knelt on the ground as well, waiting for him to pay attention and take his stuff. To his credit, he only stared at her for a _little_ too long before realizing he was being weird.

 

“Uh, yeah, thanks…” he mumbled as he accepted her help, reassembling his pile of supplies.

 

She helped him gather all his things before standing and brushing off the plaid skirt she was wearing, eyeing him as she went. “Fresh meat, huh?”

 

“E-excuse me?” Yoosung was well aware he had started blushing a bit just from staring at her like a moron, but now he was starting to get _red_.

 

She laughed and man was it a nice sound. “You're a freshman?” He nodded and she shook her head. “You go here long enough, you pick up bad habits. Like calling all the freshman ‘fresh meat’.  Where are you supposed to be right now, honey?”

 

He almost dropped everything all over again. No girl had ever called him anything like that besides his _own mother_ and this one was well past ‘cute’ like the girls he had tried to talk to a minute ago. “Uh, I’m um, I've got general Psychology?”

 

She grimaced but held her hand out. “Ho boy, _that_ one is no fun. Got a map on you?”

 

He nodded again, finding it wiser than opening his stupid mouth anymore, rifling through his pockets for the folded up map of campus attached to his schedule. Once he handed it to her, she looked it over before looking back at him.

 

“Man, you've got the good old freshman gambit, huh? Did exactly what the guidance counsellor said to the T. You have no idea where any of this is, do you?”

 

This woman was either psychic or ‘lost idiot’ was written on his face. “I mean, I-I found my first two classes…”

 

She grinned and sighed. “Let's make this easy for you.” She dug into one of the pockets of the bag slung over her shoulder, pulling out a few markers of different colors. “Bio is here.” She circled the building he had biology in with a green marker and made a mark of the same color next to the class on his roster before dropping the pen back in her bag. “Chem is in the same place a floor lower.” This time it was red but she did the same thing. “Psych is in this building here. Sit in the front, it'll keep you from falling asleep. It sounds silly, but your brain _will_ try to shut down in that class.” Blue. “Oh fuck, they talked you into the Freshmen Intro Lab? I'm sorry. That class is bollocks; the teachers aids use it for practice and it doesn't help them much either. It's a great time to catch up on homework you haven't done yet though- you'll finish the stupid packets of nonsense they give you in five minutes.” Pink marker. “Ah, sweet, your Bio lab. Ooooooh, you got Jae-un though. Dude’s a prick, sit in the very back row, don't ask him questions. He's always an ass about it. Go to the other TA’s office hours if you need to, she's waaaaaay more helpful and nicer.” Teal marker and hours for the other TA. “Heck yeah, Ecology? That class is awesome; the professor is really cool and it actually makes sense. Word of warning though, write down everything that man says. His tests are long and he always asks extra credit questions at the end for those who pay way too much attention.” Orange marker and a note to write down everything. “Okay boyo, library and cafeteria are here in central campus,” circled both buildings in black, “do _not_ use more than two prepaid meals a day or you'll run out before the semester is up. Use your dining dollars for stuff like coffee in the morning and a little breakfast from the cafe if you have to. Trust me, dining dollars are basically intended for coffee. Uhm, I think you're set hun!”

 

His gormless staring was at an all time high and his face was on fire. This was more helpful than anyone in administration had been the entire time he had been doing anything to do with college. She raised an eyebrow and he snapped out of his stupor. “Wow, um, thank you so much! This place is so much bigger than my high school and I _didn't_ go to a small highschool.” Looking at the map, he furrowed his brow. He thought he had been close to his psych class but now he wasn't so sure…

 

“Let me teach you a trick.” She moved over to stand behind him, grabbing his shoulders and facing them the opposite direction he had been heading. She was so close he could feel stray hair tickle his neck and he was pretty sure he might not even make it to class before he died of embarrassment. “That way is north. The giant seagull statue in central can be seen from just about everywhere on campus. If you turn your map with you as you walk, it'll make it about a million times easier to find your way.” She pointed to his psych class and then back the way he came but off to the right. “You're on the wrong side of campus, sweetie. This is South campus; the Arts section. Pseudoscience and Engineering are on East campus.”

 

Yoosung swallowed hard as she let go, still managing to mumble and trip over his own tongue. “O-okay, thanks. Uh, this is so helpful, I um-”

 

A noise he recognized from the Bokémon games sounded from her bag and she dove in to pull a cellphone out. She said something in a language he didn't understand before hastily starting to backpedal away from him. “Kuso! Hey, I'm late, I've gotta go! Just keep going that way and you'll definitely find your class!”

 

“Uh, wait I didn't even-!”

 

She waved over her shoulder as she took off towards one of the bigger buildings he had been headed for. “Good luck, Blondie!”

 

Watching her go, his shoulders slumped. “I'm Yoosung…” So much for making new friends today… This place was so big, there was no way he'd be able to find her again.

 

***

 

“You're late.”

 

“I know, I know, I'm sorry. Some poor kid got slammed into and dropped all his stuff. He looked like he was gonna break down, so I helped him get his shit together.” Sitting down in her usual spot, Zifeara accepted the cup of coffee handed to her. She was _supposed_ to help her art partner look over the rough draft for their new piece before class started, but life had other plans. Like helping some poor freshman geek.

 

The redhead raised an eyebrow at her. “Since when do you care about the fresh meat? Other than fucking them from time to time, anyway?”

 

She almost choked on her coffee. “Excuse! You make it sound like I'm a heartless bitch. That boy was going to _cry_ on his first day, no one deserves that. Besides, he had a cool LOLOL pin on his jacket. He's one of us.”

 

Her partner made a dissatisfied sound in the back of his throat, leaning back in his chair before taking a long sip of coffee. “You knew I wanted you to look at what I'm working on this morning…”

 

Here we go. The determined sulking because he was well aware it would make her feel bad. Jealous, protective bastard. “Look, I said I was sorry and it isn't like you can't stop by my place after school, right? It's Monday but it's syllabus week; we can work on stuff and then play some LOLOL or something. I'll make it up to you later~”

 

He glanced at her sideways, cup hiding the smirk trying to form. He knew he was getting what he wanted. “Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

Now he did grin. “Alright, but you owe me. I got you coffee still and everything. I didn't have to and had half a mind not to. You're lucky I like you.”

 

She nudged him hard enough that he almost spilled his drink as their professor came in and started setting up.

 

“Shut up, Saeran.”

 

***

 

Jamming the key in the lock and turning it with more force than was strictly necessary, Saeyoung shoved the door open and dropped his things in a pile to the side of the entryway along with his shoes. He hated syllabus week; everything was entirely unimportant since it was just going over information in a physical packet most students were too lazy to read and it took up valuable time he could be at work or even here with his twin. Speaking of, Saeran should be out of class and home himself in the next half hour or so. Hopefully his day hadn’t been so lame since he got to spend most of it with Zifeara. He supposed having the same major was good for something at least; those two had scheduled their classes together whenever they could for going on 3 years now. He just wished his brother would branch out and make more friends. Saeran would never Rebond at this rate...

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Saeyoung shuffled into his room to grab some clothes and get a shower in before he had to figure out dinner for himself and his twin. Throwing his jacket on the bed and shutting himself in the bathroom, he removed his shirt and sighed. The two inky handprints on his chest were black as ever, glaring evidence he still hadn’t found his soulmate yet. He hadn’t been kidding when he had told Yoosung he would give anything to be a Pigmentopath instead. Being able to talk to his soulmate would be far better than just waiting around to meet them. Atramenites like him had to wait until their soulmates touched them to know they were meant to be. These ugly black stains would explode into color as soon as his soulmate put their hands over them. Or literally ran into them, which was how Zifeara was betting he got those. Saeran had money on him annoying his soulmate and they were going to shove him. Yoosung’s cash was on them tripping and falling on top of him. His boss Michael agreed with Saeran and his other other best friend Mal was convinced he would do something amazingly heroic and sweep his soulmate off their feet somehow. Saeyoung placed his hands over his marks, wondering where the marks on his soulmate’s skin were. He wondered how often they thought of meeting him and if their friends had a betting pool too. As much as he knew he had to be patient… sometimes patient was no fun.

His phone chimed on the counter next to him, a happy sound one could easily associate with pixies or very tiny bells. Picking it up, he groaned.

 

**From Baby Brother:**

**Not comng home toniht. Zifeara and I ar on a roll right now**

 

Saeran’s hands must be covered in paint again. He never turned his autocorrect on because he hated it, so it didn’t do him any favors when he was a mess and still had to type.

 

**To Baby Brother:**

**Seriously? On the first day? I wanted to hear how your day went :(**

 

By the time he got a response, he had turned the water on and had almost given up and gotten in the shower.

 

**From Baby Brother:**

**It ws boring like yurs. Bite me im busy.**

 

Well then. Who knew that his brooding, angsty, reclusive brother would be such a dedicated artist? The snark almost never went away with Saeran, but when he was in the zone, he was in deep. Especially when he and Zifeara were working on something together. Saeran always gave 100% to everything he did, but when it came to something she had any stake in, it was 150%. He was incapable of disappointing her. After 8 years of being closer than molecules are to each other, he couldn’t blame his brother. He’d do anything for the girl that saved their lives too.

 

***

 

Yoosung collapsed onto his bed. His first day of college sucked and all he wanted to do was stay here and never move again. He had 3 entire packets of information read to him as though he was still in highschool, had spent 50% of his time today either lost or trying to figure out how something worked, he hadn’t made any friends…

Lifting his head, he looked around for where he had thrown his bag and hung off the bed to dig around in it. Pulling out his schedule, he more closely examined what was written on it. That girl he had run into had really interesting handwriting. And was the closest to a friend he had today. Too bad he knew _literally_ nothing about her. He didn’t even get her name nor did he get to tell her his.

God he wished he could talk to his soulmate about his day. He knew he wouldn’t get an answer if he tried and she had already made him something for his first day of school. He looked at his arm again, the galaxy starting to fade a little but the intense purples still bright. If he was really lucky, the amazing woman who had painted this was just a few minutes away. If she was so much older than him, she probably wasn’t a freshman either. He might not have her in a class with him, but they were destined to meet somehow. He may not get anything back, but… it would make him feel better anyway.

Rummaging around for a pen, he didn’t hesitate to write on his arm so that his soulmate would be sure to see it. _Hope you had a good day today._

One of them had to have and even if it wasn’t him, he really hoped she was happy somewhere. He sighed heavily as he flicked the pen off in no particular direction and laid back down, swinging his feet off the end of the bed. He could at least see if Saeyoung had any more fun being a junior today.

Just as he grabbed his phone again and opened up a message to his friend, a tingle ran up his spine. No… no way. She _never_ responded to him this often. Quickly standing, Yoosung felt that same tingle brush his right side. Lifting his shirt, he watched as a red smear with highlights of orange streaked across his hip. What in the world was she making over _there_ ? Another tickling across his lower back had him ripping his shirt over his head in his haste to get to the full length mirror in his bathroom. The new mark looked much like the other, though it seemed wider. How did she reach that? The soft brush over his left side had him looking just under his ribs to find a beautiful shade of teal mixed with greens. The feelings darting in with every new splash of color on his skin could only mean she was intensely excited about whatever she was making when she decided to mark him. He had… never felt her like this before and it was starting to brighten his entire day. And then the mark moved lower. The yellows and whites across his thigh made him blush a little; she had never put anything _there_ before. He gave up and got undressed to watch this play out. Each new streak of color was like watching fireworks but he could _feel_ every explosion across his skin, feel the heat of each color as it danced across his body and mingled with other marks, feel the elation and pure passion of an entire crowd of people watching the display. By the time it stopped, he was covered in color and was near ready to pass out with how overwhelmed he was. _He_ was a canvas and his soulmate was the most amazing artist he had ever known.

He had to take pictures of this and tell Saeyoung. Yoosung didn’t want to admit it gave him a little thrill to see the spark of jealousy in his friend’s eyes when he had something new on him, but it totally did. And he _definitely_ had something now.

 

***

 

_As dark as it was, the soft glow of the over head lights coming and going was soothing. Not too dim, not too bright. The stuffed tiger cuddled to his chest was so soft under his fingers, always providing comfort in the darkness before the light returned- just as it always had. He couldn’t recall a time he didn’t see the tiger. The soft whooshing sound outside was also intermittent, sometimes quicker, sometimes slower. He sort of liked that sound but sometimes it was too loud. He determined it was the rhythm he liked. The light mumble of the people on the radio talking made a nice bridge between the whooshing, ensuring things weren’t too quiet. He hated silence, hated it more than the dark. The tiger helped with the dark, but nothing helped with the silence. The light got bright again… way too bright this time. Jarringly bright. The soft hum of the radio and whoosh of the cars outside was drown out by a horrible screeching and a blaring horn. The screeching only grew louder and louder before… it stopped. Everything stopped. It was dark. God he hated the dark. But not as much as he hated the silence that followed._

 

Gasping for air and flailing as he sat up, Saeran looked around the room in a panic. He could see due to the moonlight streaming in through the slit left open in the curtains and everything seemed to be in its place. Except for one very important thing.

 

“Zi… Zifeara?”

 

He had stayed at her place instead of going home and they had been watching a movie on her bed when he must have fallen asleep. It wasn’t crazy late, but he hadn’t slept well the night before; he stayed up too late painting since he had an idea that wouldn’t leave him alone. Speaking of alone… he hated being alone very nearly as much as he hated the dark. Throwing himself out of the bed and into the hallway, he was relieved to see that the light shining through the half open doorway into the study. She was probably just drawing.

Pushing the door open slightly proved him correct; Zifeara was sitting at her desk with her drawing tablet in its stand, headphones on and bobbing her head to the beat of whatever was flowing through them at the moment. He could feel his legs shake as he moved into the room and brushed a hand over her shoulder to announce his presence.

 

She jumped slightly before smiling up at him and taking her headphones off. “Hey, Saeran. You fell asleep like, ten minutes into the movie, so I figured you were-” She stopped as she took in the look on his face before pushing things off her and standing, gently resting her hands on his shoulders. “The dream again?”

 

He nodded, feeling the hot prick of tears in his eyes and she pulled him into a tight hug, lightly running her hands up and down his back. He wrapped his arms firmly around her waist, knowing she was well aware she wasn’t getting any more work done tonight. “I ha-hate it. I can’t- can’t stop have- having it. It never… stops.”

 

She started walking him backwards out of the room, sitting him down in the hallway and prying herself free for a moment to turn her things off. When she returned, Saeran was fully crying. Sometimes he forgot how strong she was; actually _physically_ strong. She lifted him up and carried him back into her room, shuffling them both under the blankets and holding him against her chest while he calmed down. Nights like this were always the same; she hummed songs for him and gently pet his hair in between telling him it would be okay and that this was in no way his fault.

Saeran knew there wasn’t anything he could have done to prevent it. Just because he saw bits of his soulmate’s life through their eyes from time to time didn’t mean he could see the future. There was nothing he could have done to warn her. Of all the things he’d been through in his life, the feeling of losing his Original had to have been the worst.

 

***

 

The rest of the week was easy enough. With his new map in hand and new colors to cheer him on, Yoosung breezed through it and was starting to fall into the rhythm of college life. Getting up in the morning with no one to rouse him if he overslept was probably the hardest part so far, but it was a work in progress. Needless to say by the time he was wrapping up homework Thursday night, he was almost ready to call this a successful week despite the setbacks. Almost. The cat meowing from his phone alerted him to a new text from his best friend and he picked it up off his desk and reclined in his chair.

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Hey hey hey, how’s the fresh meat doing lol**

 

He rolled his eyes. Not him too.

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**I’m doing better than the start of this week, but don’t call me that. You?**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Aw, but it’s tradition! We were all fresh meat once, you know~ My week was boring as all get out, but can’t complain really.**

 

Good to know the upperclassmen weren’t having any more fun than he was. Yoosung almost text another question, but Saeyoung was always faster. That guy typed with blinding speed.

 

**From: Saeyoung:**

**So depending on your response, I may have good news for you ;3**

 

He didn’t like the look of that…

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**Uh, ok???**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**You meet anyone cool this week? Make any friends yet?**

 

Oh… That was why it was _almost_ a perfectly good week. Sure he had exchanged some names and pleasantries with a few people in his classes and random kids at lunch when he had to sit next to strangers, but based on how those conversations went…

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**Um… not really no…**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Awww, poor Yoosungie! D: In that case, I have GOOD news!!!**

 

God he hated being called that. It made him sound 5. He knew it was pointless to argue with the redhead at this point though; he had tried for years and it never worked.

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**Which would be?**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**There is a great chance for you to make friends tomorrow night~**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**The annual Freshman FreakOut is tomorrow! It’s the party of the year!**

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**A… party…?**

 

Really? That might be good. A Friday night would be fine as long as he got his homework done either before the party or the day after. Then he could play LOLOL on Sunday.

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Yes~ I’m going and meeting a friend of mine there and I’ll take you with me if you want! Every year since he was a freshman, this one kid throws a big party at his huge house. He’s a TA in gradschool now, but it’s a sweet way for people to meet each other. Wanna go???**

 

Hmmm. He’d never been to a party like that before. While it was part of the college experience… he was kind of nervous to say yes; he had no idea what it would be like and he didn’t know what to do or what to wear or-

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**I’ll be there with you and I really want you to meet my friend. She’s super cool and I think you’ll like her :D**

 

...Her? There… there were going to be _girls_ at this party. Oh no, he did not need to subject himself to this. He was going to be the awkward guy not trying to get with a girl and barely talking to anyone. He was saving his first kiss and his first… well _everything_ for his soulmate and he had seen enough tv and movies to know this party would ruin that. With that many women around, he’d surely just embarrass himself anyway. I mean, what if his-

What if his soulmate was there. What if this was how they were destined to meet? Could… could he afford _not_ to go?

 

**To Saeyoung:**

**Okay. I’ll go. You aren’t drinking, so you’ll make sure I don’t make too big a fool of myself, right?**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Yup yup! You’re going to have fun, I promise!!! Pick you up at 8, ok?**

  
He sent an affirmative before turning his chair around a few times, thinking. Not only would he have to figure out something to wear… he was going to have to figure out what he would _say_. He didn’t consider himself overly shy, but talking to new people only to have them lose interest in him after only a few minutes was extremely disheartening. And happened to him more than he’d like to admit. At the same time, Yoosung smiled. He might meet his soulmate tomorrow.


	2. Party Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College parties are fun, but sometimes you get more than you bargain for. Especially when you don't know what you're doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:  
> Underage drinking, dubious consent, nonconsentual touching.

“Saeyoung, are you _sure_ I look ok?”

 

It was only the millionth time he’d asked, but it was too late to change now. They were on their way to the party, his best friend’s nice blue sportscar purring as it hurried them to their destination. He was wearing his longsleeved black shirt with the blue and yellow diamonds on it, a pair of grey jeans, and his white boots. He hadn’t wanted to look like he tried too hard, but at the same time had wanted to look nicer than usual. It had been a hard debate whether he should wear his hair clips or not, but he needed a haircut and it was easier to see with them in.

 

“Yoosung, trust me, you always look cute. Stop worrying, this is going to be great~ I was nervous my first year too, but I had a ton of fun!”

 

It would never not make him blush to hear Saeyong call him cute. As much as he knew his soulmate was a she and was excited to meet her… he had wished on more than one occasion it had been the redhead. He really wasn’t sure when he had figured out he found the Choi twins attractive, but his early highschool years had been weird for sure; he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t just a freak until curiosity got the better of him and he did some research. As turned out, it was kinda… normal to be bisexual. Heck, Saeyoung even had a talk with him once he realized he was struggling with his sexuality and assured him not being straight was totally fine. The redhead himself was pansexual and no one batted an eyelash when he straight up declared it to anyone in earshot.

 

Pushing those thoughts aside and looking out the window to hide the faint blush on his cheeks, Yoosung watched the city pass by. He’d lived here his whole life and nothing exciting happened to him, but tonight could change everything. “Yeah, I’ll try… I just don’t know how to be around college kids…”

 

“Hahaha, be yourself! You know, I honestly think you’re putting waaaaay too much thought into this. Most college kids are like you, Yoosung;” He turned to meet his friend’s golden eyes, gleaming with mischief like a cat’s in the darkness. “Insecure, figuring out who they really are, geeky about one thing or another~”

 

“Gee, thanks…”

 

Yoosung rolled his eyes, but the other chuckled but replied with sincerity. “You’ll come away with one friend for sure, at least; my gal pal is _awesome_ and I really do think you two will get along!”

 

While he did smile, he also raised an eyebrow. “Who says ‘gal pal’? No one, I think.”

 

“Tis I, the Defender of Justice! I am a unique and acquired taste!”

 

“Hahahaha, I’ll say. You still have to tell me why you call yourself that, you know.”

 

“Maybe when you’re older~”

 

Yoosung shook his head and griped at Saeyoung, but they fell into amiable conversation the rest of the way to their destination. It was one thing he did appreciate about his oldest friend; the redhead was always either easygoing or so ridiculous it was hard not to laugh and it always put him at ease. It never felt awkward between them even though his friend was older and clearly smarter than anyone else he’d ever met before. Actually, he sort of assumed _both_ twins were like that. With Saeran he couldn’t say for 100% certain, but like his brother, the more reclusive twin was earning a minor in addition to his major.

As soon as the car pulled up to the expansive residence they were to spend their evening in, Yoosung immediately felt out of place; the two story house on a sprawling property had a light on in every single window, people milling about outside conversing, and it sounded like there were even more people in the backyard he couldn’t see. Saeyoung parked and they made the short walk up the street and through the open gate, not knocking on the front door before he opened it. The cheers accompanying the music drifting through suggested a large amount of people were in a room they couldn’t yet see participating in karaoke, though the large entryway they stepped into held a few groups talking amongst themselves. This house looked like nothing Yoosung had ever seen before. It had a style and design to it that very obviously wasn’t Korean, but he had nothing else to compare it to.

 

“Hyung, do you have any clue as to what this house is supposed to look like? I’ve never seen one like it before…”

 

Saeyoung laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “Our host’s name is Ryan; he’s from the United States but moved here for his dad’s job. They’re from Beverly Hills.”

 

The redhead must have been assuming he knew where that was because he didn’t get a chance to ask before Saeyoung started moving them further into the house. The cheering grew louder from the room they were heading towards as a song started up and [a female voice started singing to the tune](https://youtu.be/c3jkwj90c6U). Whoever it was had a _really_ nice voice.

 

His friend groaned next to him before making them move faster. “Awwww man, she started without me!”

 

Coming into the living room past the majority of the crowd, they could finally see what all the fuss was about. The woman holding the microphone was indeed _worth_ the commotion. Yoosung could feel his blood start to boil as he took in a familiar form.

 

_He said that I never listen but I don’t even try~_

_I got a new place in Cali, but I’m gone every night~_

 

That was her. That was the girl who drew him the map. It was her and she looked even more breathtaking than when he had just seen her out and about; her shirt was tight and had a murder of ravens across it, flying over what looked like a blood splatter, leaving no question as to the size of her ample chest while still only displaying a little cleavage. He felt his face burn at the realization, but all that did was cause him to look further down to notice the way she was slightly swaying her body to the beat of the song was rustling her very short black skirt. This was only getting worse. The curves of her legs lead to heavy looking black boots that appeared to have… faces on them. _Cat_ faces.

 

_I know you’re dying to meet me~_

_But I can just tell you this~_

_Baby as soon as you meet me~_

 

She was quite the entertainer; her eyes had been moving around from person to person this entire time, clearly in the interest of putting on a good show, but in this instance, their eyes met. Hers widened for only a second before she smiled and eased back into the task at hand.

 

_You’ll wish that you never did~_

 

She winked at him before looking away again and it shot a feeling he wasn’t familiar with straight through his heart. His closest guess was thinking she was hot, but it was different. Granted, he was still a guy, so maybe he had just never… seen someone he found _this_ attractive before. He continued to stare despite every reasonable thought in his brain telling him it was rude and inappropriate to be ogling her this way, especially since he promised himself he was a one woman kinda guy and didn’t even know her _name_ , but something else was in control of his actions and he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

 

_I know I always go missing and you’re lying awake~_

_But if you ask why I’m distant, oh, I’m running away~_

_You know that everywhere I go I got a million different people tryna kick it but I’m still~_

_Alone in my mind~_

 

Yeah, he was willing to bet she did. Swallowing hard, he realized he should be ashamed of himself. All these thoughts flitting through his mind were unlike him and were extremely disrespectful to his soulmate. The more she sang, the more into the song she got, rotating around as she undulated her body and ran a hand through her hair, earning a few whistles and hollars from the small crowd.

 

_I, I know you wanna~_

_Slip under my armor~_

 

He really shouldn’t have come to this party. He was going to have a hard time paying attention to anything else now. There was no reason for his unnatural fixation on this woman other than that he was using the wrong head to think right now and that was probably the most shameful thought he’d ever had.

As soon as she finished her song with a flourish, everyone cheered including- Saeyoung? The redhead whistled much the same way some of the other men had earlier and Yoosung shot him a dumbfounded look. Saeyoung did not care about women- or men for that matter, he was waiting for his soulmate just like the blonde was. As soon as he realized she was making her way over to them, he felt his stomach drop. Oh no.

 

Reaching them and smirking, the woman didn’t hesitate to greet him. “Heya Blondie, funny running into you here!”

 

Yoosung went to say something, but his mouth was dry and just like pretty much everything else, Saeyoung was faster on the draw. He raised a hand to his chest, gasping exaggeratedly. “Are you telling me you’ve _met_!?”

 

She laughed and shook her head, placing her hands on her hips. “Not exactly. Crossed paths once, but not met.”

 

Saeyoung moved from his side to hers, giving her a quick, tight hug before turning his way but leaving a hand on her upper back. “Yoosung, this is Zifeara Nightshade, my oldest friend. Z, this is Yoosung Kim, my _best_ friend.”

 

Her eyes lit up and her smile widened. “Wait, like the first friend you had at school Yoosung? Like the cute little blonde kid you didn’t shut up about for-” she looked at her wrist as though she had a watch on, “ _eight years_ Yoosung?”

 

The other nervously chuckled. “Uhm, yeah? He’s uh, on our LOLOL server, too. I bet you’ve seen him before.”

 

“I could have guessed by the buttons on his jacket the other day. Well that’s awesome, any friend of Sae’s is a friend of mine!” Zifeara reached out and clapped a hand on Yoosung’s shoulder, smiling brightly.

 

He gave a smile of his own. She sounded sincere, so he relaxed a little. If he was now going to have to interact with the only human who had ever short circuited his brain the way she had, he wasn’t going to be the weird one. Not to mention Saeyoung had just said she played LOLOL, meaning she was at least cool on that front.

The three of them found a quieter corner of the house via the sideyard, though the trek through the back was interesting. The backyard was just as impressive as the rest of the place, sporting a massive pool, a grilling station, and a decorated gazebo from which a multitude of strings of colored lights emanated, trailing around the yard in all directions. Another speaker was pumping music from somewhere, though this sounded different from what he had expected to play at a college party.

They stood around and talked about LOLOL for a while and Yoosung was pleasantly surprised to find that Zifeara really knew what she was talking about; she was a hardcore player like he and Saeyoung were and had a character that sounded like it could beat his if she did it right. His friend had been right; once he calmed down from whatever the Hell had gotten into him earlier, he actually _did_ like Zifeara. She was really chill and laughed easily, paid full attention when he talked, was quick to smile and joke, _mercilessly_ teased Saeyoung. That was probably one of the best parts of the night because he hadn’t known anyone to be able to turn that man such a ridiculous shade of red before and he was living for the feeling of payback.

She went in to get drinks and asked if he wanted anything since she knew what Saeyoung would ask for, but raised an eyebrow when he informed her he wasn’t old enough to drink.

 

“Sweetie… this is a college party. Mostly for freshman. Almost no one here is old enough to drink, but that wasn’t what I asked you. I asked if you _wanted_ something to drink.”

 

He bit his lip, considering whether he really should or not. He knew how he was with alcohol, but… this was a party- his first _real_ party- and Saeyoung had promised not to let him get into trouble. “Uhm, yeah, sure. Thanks! I haven’t really had much to drink before, but I know I like sweet stuff? Just… surprise me I guess?”

 

Her smile was crooked at one end as she looked from him to the redhead and said “Well that sounds familiar,” before turning to go get them some drinks.

 

By the time she came back, she was holding two red plastic cups and had a can of Phd Pepper balanced between them.

 

“Sae, your favorite~” He took the can from her and cracked it open before she held one of the cups to out him. “And yours. Tell me if you don’t like it and I’ll take it back.”

 

He nodded and accepted the drink, bringing it to his lips to take an experimental sip. It was _very_ sweet and tasted nothing like alcohol, mostly just fruit juice.

 

“Uh, what is it?”

 

“Sex on the Beach.”

 

Yoosung was thankful he’d asked _after_ he swallowed, otherwise he would have choked. He sputtered and she and Saeyoung laughed at him.

 

“I make it a little differently than most people since I’m all too familiar with making sweet drinks. Like it?”

 

He really did. The name may be embarrassing, but it was delicious. He’d finished his whole cup by the time Saeyoung excused himself a minute to take a call. He looked at his own phone out of curiosity only to find they’d been hanging out for an hour and a half already. It definitely hadn’t felt that long.

 

When Saeyoung came back, he seemed agitated. “Guys, I hate to do this, but I have to go… That was Saeran and he’s having a bad night right now.” Zifeara opened her mouth, concern overshadowing everything else, but he didn’t let her talk and pointed at her. “He specifically told me not to let you near him like this- not this time. Um…”

 

Saeyoung looked to the blonde, apologetic tone making his voice waver. “I know you came with me, but you can stay if you really want to? Uuuhhh…” He looked to Zifeara and narrowed his eyes. “You better not be driving. How are you getting home?”

 

She shook her head. “I’m not. Came with a friend and she’s dropping me off on her way home. Yoosung can stay with me; I’ll hang out with him till my friend wants to go and he can stay in my guest room tonight.”  She looked to him and shrugged. “I can take you home tomorrow, if you want. Up to you.”

 

Yoosung was torn. As much as he was nervous about being left to his own devices… he was having fun. That and this would be an excuse to put himself out there a little more since he hadn’t left his best friend’s side this entire time. Zifeara _had_ been really nice so far and was even offering up a whole room in her house for him to crash in later. _Any friend of Sae’s is a friend of mine!_ She was Saeyoung’s oldest and most trusted friend. Meaning he could trust her too.

 

He smiled shyly and nodded. “Yeah, actually I think I’d like that. I kinda wanna stay longer.”

 

Zifeara rubbed Saeyoung’s arm. “Just go take care of Saeran. Let me know when he’s okay again, yeah?”

 

The redhead gave a thankful smile and a quick hug, coupled with a light kiss to the top of her head. “Thanks Z, I will. Don’t get into too much trouble, please? You have a charge to look after now~”

 

Before she could protest, he teasingly ruffled her hair as he moved around her to get out of here and home to his brother.

 

Zifeara rolled her eyes, but it was clearly good natured. “Asshole. You wanna go inside? My cup is empty and I think they were planning on starting up a game of Bario Cart soon.”

 

“Sure, sounds fun! Who do you usually play as?”

 

“You’ll see~ Can’t tell you all my secrets before we even start!”

 

As they made their way back inside and passed the living room, there were indeed people playing the cart racer and Zifeara called them dibs on an upcoming round. Coming into the kitchen, Yoosung was astounded by the sheer number of alcohol bottles lining the counters. A tall, blonde man with an impressively neat beard was mixing something on the kitchen island and Zifeara called out to him to make their presence known.

 

“Man of the evening! Whatcha makin’ Ryan?”

 

He smiled and they high fived. “Good ol’ Ragin’ Ryan specialty, babe! Atomic Blonde!”

 

“Oh Hell yeah! Hook us up with two more of those, bruv?”

 

“You got it, little lady. Having fun?”

 

They made small talk while Yoosung shuffled on his feet quietly; they seemed to be catching up and he didn’t want to interfere. Once Zifeara was handed their drinks, she said goodbye and herded them back to the living room where they hovered around the couch and waited to jump into the game. They watched the others race while they laughed about one thing or the other and honestly… the more he talked to her the more relaxed he got. He completely forgot about his issue when he saw her earlier and was certain Saeyoung was right; they’d be good friends. He was on the side of the couch closer to the entryway, so he could feel the slight rush of air from the front door opening and closing, signaling more people coming and going.

 

It was after one such breeze that he noticed a change in Zifeara’s body language. She had been leaning over the back of the couch and was in the middle of a sentence when she glanced over his shoulder before straightening a bit, her eyes widening slightly before narrowing. “No, no, no! I’m just saying that while I don’t use water types a lot, I really like-”

 

As much as he had a nice buzz going from whatever was in his drink, he still noticed. He was just about to look towards the archway when she snapped her eyes back to his. “Yoosung, do me a favor?”

 

“Um, yeah?”

 

“Stay close to me the rest of the night, okay? I don’t mean like _right on me_ , but within eyeshot. Please?”

 

He couldn’t fathom what had caused such a change in her demeanor, but he readily agreed. If he was honest… he didn’t want to be anywhere else anyway. “Yeah, I can do that. Oh, I think we’re up!”

 

They made their way around the couch and sat down, being mindful of where they put their drinks on the crowded table and prepared themselves for the all-out to the death cart match they were about to be part of. He wasn’t quite surprised when she instantly chose Lenk, the sword-wielding mute hero of legend. He was more partial to the Shy Dude, but he could see the merits of her choice; he was a really good mid-weight character and was easy to build a cart around.

 

“You actually like the games, or just like Lenk?”

 

She side eyed him and gave a sly smirk. “Eh, only played a few of his games, but I like him too. That and blondes just do it for me. Problem?”

 

Oh… **_okay_ **. Yes, yes he did have a problem. His fingers were no longer working on the controller very well and this was clearly her plan as she giggled beside him.

 

At least until a guy on the other couch laughed too. “Hahaha, who _doesn’t_ do it for you, Zifeara?”

 

Yoosung went to say something in her defence, but honestly he had nothing. He actually didn’t know her well enough to have a snappy retort. Luckily she did.

 

Zifeara glared daggers at the guy, finished flipping through her options and finalizing her cart. “Well for starters, _you_. Can’t say I’ve ever been attracted to assholes who think degrading a girl who enjoys her sexual freedom is funny, Lee. No wonder you can never get laid.”

 

The collective ‘ooooooh’ from the spectators was enough to shut the man up and Yoosung was impressed. He didn’t have long to dwell on it though, the game had begun and their first track was a hard one. He’d have no time to ease into the controls again.

The light counted them down and they were off. He mistimed the boost, but Zifeara did not. She shot into first place and for the most part _stayed there_. His first race wasn’t great since he was a little rusty, but he placed a solid third. Sipping the rest of his drink during pauses in the action, he got far too focused on the game to notice how quickly he consumed its contents. His second race went much better, but Zifeara was good at this and was not making obtaining first place for more than a few seconds easy for him. Soon it became a competition just between the two of them as few others seemed to be able to keep up. He thought he had her on the third race when someone tried to blue shell her, but the tricky bitch braked her cart so that he got caught in the blast radius and then bumped him off the level. He still finished second, but he came back with a vengeance in the last race. Even if he got first, she would still win, but now it was the principle of the thing. It was a hard fight and he screamed and jumped off the couch when she nailed him with a green shell at the last possible second to pass him over the finish line. He wanted to be mad and call bullshit, really he did, but she was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes and he couldn’t do it. He broke down into laughter too and they handed their controllers off.

She congratulated him on a good match and they had a bathroom break before wandering into the kitchen for more to drink. Yoosung was feeling good, buzzed but not too bad, so he decided to grab some punch instead. He should definitely take it easy the rest of the night. It tasted really good, but he couldn’t place the taste of a single thing that was in it. Zifeara did a shot with her friends before asking him what he’d like to do till they had to go.

 

“Uh, I dunno. Whatever you want, I guess. I’m not sure what to do at parties really, hehe.”

 

A solid thumping started to emanate from the sliding door to the back yard and she leaned around to look outside before smiling at him. “Want to dance with me? They started up a circle outside.”

 

He nodded and moved to follow her, but she stopped him short and pointed to his cup. “You gotta finish that. You take it outside while everyone is moving around like that and you’ll either lose it or spill it.”

 

He hadn’t really been _that_ thirsty and still had over half the cup left, but he downed it, not wanting to protest over something so silly. Tossing his cup on the way out, it was only as they reached the circle of moving bodies that it dawned on him that he had no idea how to dance. Upon communicating this to her, Zifeara just laughed and grabbed his arm, moving them into the throng of people so that they had to be close as to not run into anyone, instructing him to just move his body to the beat of the music; there really wasn’t a right or wrong way. No, not the lyrics, the _beat_. About halfway into the second song, she giggled and told him he was doing well, which made him grin like an idiot. He was feeling more than okay now. He was having a really good time. The music was a mix of regular radiostation hits that could be danced to with some EDM and honestly it was pretty excellent.

Once probably [the third EDM song](https://youtu.be/bnsUkE8i0tU) kicked off, he was feeling _more_ than good. And this would seem to be one of Zifeara’s favorite songs because she gasped, turned around to face away from him and proceeded to dance like he had never seen a woman dance before. She was all hips, smooth rolls of her body between timed jerks to the thrumming beat of the song, hypnotizing like a snake in a wicker basket. Running her hands into her hair and holding it up, she looked possessed by the music. Yoosung honestly wasn’t even sure if he was moving anymore; all he could focus on was how Zifeara was doing that. He was starting to get that feeling from earlier- the one that made him feel fire under his skin, but this time he was less scared of it. This time he admired her form, taking in every detail of the way she was moving now that he was this close.

As soon as the song faded out, she turned back to him, professing her desire to get another drink since they had been working so hard and he laughed and agreed. _Now_ he was ready for punch. They went inside, they had another cup of whatever struck their fancy and joked about something or another before they were back out again. A few more songs in and he was on cloud nine. Everything was just awesome right now. He was starting to become more fluid in his movements and stopped really caring what anyone else thought of how he was dancing. He and Zifeara were giggling, being silly, and having a blast so that was all he was paying attention to at the moment. One more stop for drinks and then she wanted to do another song before they left because her friend was almost ready to go. One more cup of punch, which he was honestly so thankful was here so he didn’t have to pay attention to how much he was drinking and they were outside for the final time.

[The song that proved to be their last was a fun one](https://youtu.be/ozbnTScWups) that they both liked and he went all out for it. He was actually pretty sure he was having an out of body experience watching the way Zifeara rotated her hips to the trumpet, just about everyone in the small crowd singing along to the lyrics. She bounced as she sang, which meant _every_ part of her bounced. Once the song got to its slower part, everyone pressed in together for the final chorus, meaning he was pushed right up against her back, accidentally grabbing her hips to keep from being shoved _over_ her. Such close quarters meant he got a very close look at exactly what shade of indigo her eyes were. She stared right back over her shoulder, surprised at first, but slowly grinning as the music ramped up again.

 

_Way up, way up we go~_

_Been up and down that road~_

_Way up, way up, oh no~_

_We gon burn the whole house down~_

 

Something about her smile was giving him confidence- making him less the shy, nobody Yoosung Kim and turning him into someone else. Things were getting kind of hazy.

 

_Watch me stand in this line~_

_You’re only serving lies~_

_You’ve got something to hide~_

_We gon burn the whole house down~_

 

Just as the music came back full force, she reached a hand up and ran it up his neck and into his hair, resuming the swing of her hips even though he was touching her. The sensation of her  brushing against his thighs was probably honestly the best thing he ever felt and he threw his head back and shouted the remaining lyrics with everyone else, understanding for the first time what it meant to lose himself in music. The next three songs were the exact same way before Zifeara was tugging on his arm because they really actually had to get ready to go.

They stopped in the kitchen so Zifeara could hear her friends better and he was pleased to see he could have one last cup of that fantastic punch. This had been the best party ever. After throwing his last cup in the trash, he was guided back outside and relaxed against the side of the house. He was pretty ready to call it a night.

 

“Stay here for me a second, Blondie? I have to help my friends find the last member of our group and then we can go, k?”

 

Zifeara’s voice cut through the happy fog in his brain and he nodded, content to stay where he was. She went to look for her friend and he took a deep breath. He’d never felt like this before and he was glad Seven had talking him into coming here. His mind started to wander and he giggled to himself about everything he’d done tonight that he never thought he would have. Just as he was starting to get really comfortable there, a voice near him spoke.

 

_“There you are cutie. I thought you’d come out here~”_

 

Was that Zifeara? It was actually kind of hard to tell right now for some reason.

 

“Hmn?”

 

He tried to look around to find her, but his head wasn’t listening to where he wanted it to turn.

 

_“Heehee, I’ve had my eye on you, you know. You wanna be a good boy for me?”_

 

The sound moved closer and a weight dropped itself on his chest, pushing him further into the wall. Something wet pressed against his neck and he sucked in a harsh breath. _It felt good_ . He had his hands flat against the wall and he couldn’t get them to budge, to try to feel what it was that was happening to him. Everything was moving in a blur and something else ran over his hip before putting pressure on his inner thigh. He was sure he made some kind of noise at that, but whether it was more a groan or a whine he couldn’t tell. The pressure moved up, rubbing against his cock through his jeans and this time he knew exactly what noise he made. He was… pretty sure he was forgetting something, finally squirming a little to try to figure out what it was. _God that felt so good- better than anything else ever had._ He thought he had his eyes open and was looking down to find out what it was Zifeara was doing to him that felt so good, but he couldn’t make anything out.

The sudden loss of warmth and contact made him whimper, struggling to keep himself upright. He wanted it back, wanted to feel that again, but he was lost to the haze swiftly overtaking him. Lost to the smell of wood chips and a misty forest, of sweat and soft amber sunlight, lost to a darkness that was strangely just as comforting as it was unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. OH BOY THIS GON BE BAD.


	3. A Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it look like from the other side?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Underage drinking, mentions of sexual assault along with nonconsentual touching, dubious consent (in the form of drunken sex).

This may be the best time she’d ever had at the Freshman FreakOut. While it was rather unfortunate Saeyoung couldn’t stay and she was terribly worried about Saeran, Yoosung had proven to be an awful lot of fun. He was reserved and shy at first, but once he realized she was genuinely interested in getting to know him, he loosened right up. The blonde was sweet, considerate, quite funny, and ridiculously cute. Saeyoung had been right, his little schoolyard friend had grown into a blushing bombshell. She had thought he was cute when she first ran into him, but being late for class and even later to meet up with Saeran meant she didn’t have the time to care about getting too familiar with him. Now that she knew he was her best friend’s buddy, she would happily socialize.

Unfortunately, the downside was that in offering up lodging to him for the night, she had given up her ability to bring a warm body home with her. Zifeara didn’t believe in saving a damn thing for her soulmate; not her first kiss, not her first time sharing a bed, not her virginity, nothing. She was going to have fun while she could and had been successfully avoiding the boy who had been trying to corner her for years now and she didn’t regret it. That being said, she didn’t talk about her soulmate unless specifically asked and even then not for very long. She was exceptionally pleased when Yoosung failed to ask her about him or mention anything about his own soulmate all night. Instead they talked about their majors, shared school stories, and what games they played. She was thrilled to find out that he liked Bokemon too, one of her ultimate favorites and the discussion of favorite creatures, best games, and most used types carried on longer than it did with most people for her. So long that the only thing that stopped it was just about the one thing that could have ruined her night.

While waiting to jump into a game of Bario Cart, she reclined on the back of a couch, arms in front of her holding onto a new cocktail, about to impart upon her new friend why she loved Octillery so much. Her gaze flicked over his shoulder at a group of new arrivals through the door- her hypervigilance at parties had become a habit by now- and the sight of the woman leading the newcomers set off alarm bells in her head. _Hyunjin_ . Zifeara was well aquainted with her. Hyunjin, Honey to her friends, had been a thorn in Zifeara’s side for two years and counting now. The woman came from money and was only going to college to please her father; she was getting an easy degree that should have been three years at most, but this would be her fourth year doing it. She had found a loophole, and that little trick involved flaunting her extremely large and fake chest with the promise of sexual favors to awkward freshman that didn’t know any better yet in exchange for doing her homework. She got a feel for the smartest, most vulnerable boys during syllabus week and then proceeded to see who the Freshman FreakOut could net her before moving on to prostituting herself during regular school hours. Zifeara had almost killed her by hand when she thought the twins would make an excellent addition to her work force their freshman year. Saeran had been scared of Honey for months afterwards. It dawned on her with horror that Yoosung was a freshman. _Her_ new freshman. She made him promise to stay close to her as a precaution since she couldn't be certain if he would cross Honey’s radar or not, but it was always better to be safe than sorry.

While he was good, she kicked his ass at Bario Cart, laughing far too hard that his reaction was physically launching himself into the air and shrieking like a banshee. Zifeara got something else to drink and noticed Yoosung had tried the Riot Punch, clearly appreciating Ryan’s other specialty. Their host had a knack for bartending, so much so that you wouldn't think the punch was alcoholic were it not for the notecard leaning against the bowl. By the sound of it, the outside pool party had devolved into a dance party just like it did every year and it would seem she was getting the chance to teach the blonde to dance. He was picking it up quickly, no doubt lured out of his self conscious cave by the drinks settling in to his blood. If she was honest, he wasn’t half bad, either.

By the time they got to the last song they would be able to dance to, Yoosung was getting bold; he was getting closer and closer to her with each song but when the group pushed in for the end of the song, he placed his hands on her hips, face only inches away when she turned to see if he was okay or not. Ooooooh, this boy was tempting her. She supposed there was no harm in giving him just a _taste_ of what he was after. She continued the motion her hips had adopted earlier, brushing lightly over his thighs and she could almost _hear_ the wheels turning in Yoosung’s head. It would seem[ by the next song](https://youtu.be/ipE8sKyB8YI), another excellent one of her favorites, that he had decided he was into what he was feeling. His hands followed her movements, sometimes straying from their original position lower or higher as he moved with her, easing into full contact against her back. At one point, he had laid his chin over her shoulder as she ran a hand up through his hair and very nearly kissed her. She wasn’t above temptation just because this was one of Saeyoung’s friends. She had a good mind to see if perhaps this very hot boy would be more comfortable in _her_ bed as opposed to the guest bed later.

Zifeara only realized they had gotten distracted from the fact that they were supposed to be getting ready to leave by catching sight of one of her friends coming out the back door and looking around. Right. She was only a bit drunk, so she could blame getting a little lost in the blonde’s roaming touches for completely forgetting they were on a schedule that wasn’t hers. After conversing in the kitchen a moment and realizing they were missing a member of their group, Zifeara put Yoosung outside in plain view of their car and told him to stay put- she’d only be gone a second. He confirmed he understood and that he was in no rush with a giggle and she went to check the upstairs for their last friend.

Two rooms in and her buddy proved to be in one of the bedrooms a little… busy, but she’d be out in a second. Since it sounded like they were almost done in there, Zifeara mentioned waiting by the car and relayed the situation to her companions. They all cackled like witches and decided they would just wait in the car so that they weren’t tempted to stay longer. Satisfied with that, Zifeara went to go collect her charge. Rounding the corner of the house, she was pretty sure that her vision clouded with red.

She had only been gone for at most five minutes, but goddamn if there wasn’t the whore of SKY University, mouth teasing at Yoosung’s neck, one of her hands firmly rubbing at his jeans. The blonde looked beyond uncomfortable as he stumbled over his words trying to figure out how to solve his problem. The sad, confused noise he made sent her into a frenzy; it hit too close to home… too close to the last time. Zifeara closed the distance between them in only a few steps, gripping the other woman by the back of her hair and tearing her away from the poor boy with enough force that she had to shake her hand to get the loose strands off. The scream from Honey’s mouth denoted it had been no small amount of hair she’d dislodged, either.

 

“What, assaulting unaware, _willing_ boys not enough for you anymore!? Gotta get stamps on your whore card faster, do ya? Get a free drink in one more?”

 

Honey cradled the back of her head, tears in her eyes as she spat her reply. “What, two boys isn’t enough for you, Nightshade? Need to make it three?”

 

God this bitch had never been good at retorts. “Ha, if you want to compare hoards, look at your own before you point at mine! If I’m at three, you’re well past me ten times over. Get the fuck out of my sight before I show you how easy it is to rupture a silicone implant you hellacious skank!”

 

Ensuring the other woman was well and truly gone, any plans Zifeara had for the rest of her night were immediately discarded. Slowly approaching the boy whose eyes were wide as saucers and unfocused, she made sure to speak softly as not to tip him over the fine line between freaking out and handling being briefly sexually assaulted as calmly as one could. At least she was used to this approach from being around Saeran as long as she had.

 

“Yoosung, she’s gone, you’re safe. You okay?”

 

He numbly nodded, not breaking eye contact with the shrub a few feet in front of him. She stepped into his line of sight, gently lifting his chin to make him look at her instead. She watched his eyes refocus as he took a deep breath in.

 

“Yoosung?”

 

“I-I… Yeah. Yeah, ’m fine. More than fine, great. We leaving?”

 

She couldn’t tell if it was just his unwillingness to acknowledge what had just taken place since most guys didn’t think things like that happened to them or what, but she brushed her thumb over his cheek, gauging his attentiveness. He smiled and it didn’t seem forced, so she smiled back.

 

“Yeah, we are. C’mon, car’s just over there.”

 

Taking one of his hands and leading him to their ride home. They piled in with her other friends and she kept a close eye on him as he talked to them. As much as he _seemed_ fine, she knew all too well it could just take time to sink in. By the time they were dropped off just in front of her house, however, he still maintained his cheery attitude and was even making jokes and giggling at silly things she said. He hadn’t… wanted to be where he had been, had he? It wasn’t as though Zifeara had actually warned him about Honey, so maybe…

Entering her home and making Yoosung kick his shoes off, she led him upstairs and opened the door to the guest bedroom and guest bathroom, explaining that these were his for the night. Just as she turned to the linen closet to inform him of spare blankets and towels, she felt his hands across her waist. She was facing away from him, but she could hear the smile in his voice as he nuzzled his nose into her hair.

 

“You smell good…”

 

Okay, maybe he _had_ intended to get some tonight, he was just about to do it with the wrong person earlier. She was thankful she’d put on a little extra of her favorite perfume before she left for the party; the cedar scent reminded her of the forests she loved exploring as a kid and with as much of a sweat as she had worked up dancing, she was almost surprised he could smell it.

 

She hummed in acknowledgement, deciding to test the waters. He might be okay after all.

 

“Yoosung, is there any particular reason you’re touching me like this~?”

 

He giggled, moving his hands lower so that they were over her hips, fingers splayed across the pockets on her pants. “Maybe.”

 

“And would it have anything to do with the fact that my room is five feet away?”

 

This time he didn’t laugh out loud, but she could feel him shaking and hear him trying to contain it in the waiver in his voice. “Mmmm, it could.”

 

It _could_ , could it? She pried herself away enough to turn around, only to be met with his mouth slanting over hers. She made a noise of surprise, but he didn’t seem to notice, running one of those warm hands up to cup her jaw, slowly moving them backwards till they hit the wall. Well hot damn, her night was probably back on track.

 

Using her own hands to grab his face and make him look at her, she started her usual bedmate process. “Yoosung, tell me what you want.”

 

It seemed silly, but when picking up guys after they had been drinking meant she had to make sure they were fully on board with where things were going. She wasn’t drunk enough to forget her manners.

 

He blinked at her a few times, his pupils blown wide as a lopsided grin formed on his face. “Whatever I can get.”

 

While she felt those words shoot straight to her core, that wasn’t specific enough for him to have passed. “You want me to kiss you?”

 

“Mhm.” He leaned in to do just that again, but she stopped him with a finger over his mouth.

 

“You want me to touch you?”

 

Opening his mouth and taking the tip of her finger into it, he pushed closer so that he was leaning against her. “Mhm.”

 

Okay, if this actually worked out, then she had _scored_ tonight. “Tell me if you want to stop?”

 

Releasing her finger and using the hand on her face to bat her whole hand out of the way, Yoosung brought his mouth right over hers. “Sure.” He barely had the word out before he was kissing her again, [this time a little more forcefully](https://youtu.be/xuXTdcouCpY). Worked for her.

 

Humming as she conceded ground, she ran her own hands up his chest, ready to enjoy herself. From what she could feel, the blonde was lean and smooth, no defined muscle to speak of, but she didn’t exactly mind. He could make up for it in other areas. He gasped when she ran her tongue over his lips, making his open mouth that much easier to slip into. He groaned and moved his own hands, the one on her hip slipping upward and under the hem of her shirt. If they were going to do this, it would not be standing around in her hallway. She started pushing him back, nearly making him remove his mouth from hers, but she grabbed onto the front of his shirt and guided him into her room, not stopping till he hit the end of the bed. She pushed him down onto it and he got the picture, running both his hands around her and up her back.

Pushing her hands up under his shirt, she had it off him in one swift motion and instead of meeting his mouth halfway, she pressed down hard on his hips, gently licking a stripe up his neck just in case he was going to object. The soft moan slipping past his lips was _not_ an objection. Feeling up under her own shirt, Yoosung lightly ran his nails over her skin as she kissed and nipped down his neck, trying not to giggle at the eagerness he was displaying in the form of this slowly rocking hips. He was starting to get hard and was trying to get her to move faster. She could do that.

Sitting up and removing her shirt, she slowly removed her bra too, drinking in the look of admiration the boy under her was giving. While she was up there, she experimentally ran her fingers over the growing bulge in his pants, earning an impatient whimper. His expression bore none of the panic or uncertainty from his earlier encounter, though she felt it prudent to make sure.

 

“You gonna be okay if I get these pants of yours out of my way~?”

 

His mouth was still open and he was starting to breathe faster. He swallowed hard and nodded furiously. “Y-yeah, god, p-please-”

 

She smirked and unbuttoned them, sliding her body down till she could take the zipper in between her teeth and pull it down. She was only about 50% certain she heard him utter the phrase ‘holy shit’ with his harshly exhaled breath, but she wasn’t about to ask. She prided herself in giving a good show, something he clearly wasn’t used to. She held unwavering eye contact she shimmied him out of his jeans before palming him through his boxers. He was actually a pretty good size and the whine he emitted was about an octave below incredibly hot. She was almost ready to put money on him being a bottom. God she loved bottoms.

 

Zifeara thought she might have hurt him somehow with the way he howled as she mouthed him through the thin fabric, but he proved to be fine when he got his voice back. “Oh- oh _god_ please- please do it again-!”

 

Grinning against his thigh, she was more than happy to give him what he wanted, starting to form a damp spot in his underwear.

Only most of it was from her mouth. She was ready to be done with this. Hooking her fingers into the elastic band and pulling, she rid the blonde of his underwear before taking hold of his shaft, lightly running her tongue over the tip to taste him. It wasn’t great, but the keening he was doing made up for it; she liked her men loud and begging for her.

It wasn’t as though she didn’t have practice, but immediately deepthroating him nearly made her gag with how hard he bucked his hips at the sensation. Glancing up revealed that Yoosung had both his hands over his face and was mumbling a string of curses that changed in volume directly proportional to how much of his dick was down her throat. With her nose buried in the curly brown hair adorning his pelvis, she considered why the carpet didn’t match the drapes and swallowed, causing him to arch his back off the bed. Thinking about it, he seemed like a shy enough kid that he may never have had a blowjob before. Definitely not one this good.

One of the only downsides to bringing guys home after a party was that for half of them, alcohol loosened their control over their impulses, so Zifeara wasn’t terribly surprised that it only took a few more bobs of her head and another swallow or two to get the blonde to burst. She just sort of wished she had a bit more of a warning than a strong twitch of his dick. She only coughed once since he hadn’t been in the best position to swallow everything, but she did get it all down.

What did surprise her was that she only made it halfway back up the bed to check on him before Yoosung pushed her backwards, kissing her hard and stealing her breath just by the way he was working his tongue into her mouth. His hands couldn’t decided where they’d rather be; entertaining themselves with her breasts or exploring the rest of her, but once he discovered she still had her skirt on, that was swiftly remedied. Laying all the way down, she embedded a hand in his hair and the other reached down to stroke him and see how soon she could get him inside her. She had started getting impatient from the feel of him in her mouth, more certain than before that this would be a fantastic night. As soon as he graduated from fucking her mouth with his tongue to sucking at her neck, he felt good to go.

Lining him up properly and spreading her legs further apart, she grabbed a good chunk of his ass and pulled upwards, making him not only yelp in surprise, but thrust his hips just far enough forward that he sheathed himself entirely in one try. After a solid shudder traveled down his spine, he moaned directly into her ear, making her thirst for leaving this boy happily ruined by the end of the night that much stronger. Yoosung started moving on his own and pretty immediately, his coordination wasn’t the best. Again, not unusual to some of her midnight trysts, but at least something easy to fix. Grabbing his hips and positioning him a little better, Zifeara moved him in a slow and steady pace for a few moments, content when he continued it after she let go. Hands now free, it was easy to pull him down far enough to work his neck, leaving a few small marks here and there, spurring him into speeding up.

The sounds he was making were driving her crazy and the more she sucked marks into him- the _harder_ she bit him- the faster he thrust into her, bringing her ever closer to her own release. Panting and just so close, she gripped at his hair again, scratching at his scalp as he hit her just right and just hard enough that she moaned his name as her orgasm finally hit her.

 

His pace faltered as he felt her squeeze him and it was only a couple more pumps before he was gone. “Ah, ah, oh-oooh f-f- _fuck_!”

 

Yoosung’s nails dug into her skin as he finished, stinging deliciously. Cracking an eye open, he smiled smugly as he caught her looking at him. Honestly, she was taking in how he was somehow ever cuter with his hair a complete mess, but was also wondering if he’d make it to another round. She could definitely go for dessert, though she had a larger sexual appetite than most and she was well aware.

As it turned out, he may have cum fast, but the blonde’s talent came in the form of a very quick recharge period. The third round was all but magical, especially after she introduced the concept of turning her around so that he hit new angles with every thrust. He lasted even longer this time, but since everyone had a busy night, when he was finally done, he was _done_.

While Zifeara had only been gone a couple of minutes to use the bathroom and gather up a wet cloth to at least attempt to clean up some of the horrendous mess they had made, Yoosung was already asleep when she came back. He was sprawled out on his back, mouth slightly open and one arm over his chest, steadily breathing and a million percent gone. She couldn’t help but snicker slightly as she cleaned him up the best she could without waking him, but paused as she hovered over his face. She had… a strange feeling creeping up on her right now. Zifeara gently pushed some of his hair off his face, attempting to place it. This was almost like how she felt when she was with…

Shaking her head, she finished what she was doing and climbed under her blankets, trying to maneuver the blonde properly into bed with her. With no small amount of effort, she got him in and comfortable, turning over and sighing. She was almost asleep when one of his arms wrapped around her and he nestled up against her back, mumbling contentedly. She grinned to herself. He was a cute kid. Hopefully Saeyoung would realize yelling at her for doing this wouldn’t accomplish anything and she might get to do all of this again.

 

***

 

His heart was racing. His throat burned from the ragged breaths he took and from making so much noise but he didn't care. He had never felt so fantastic in his life and he never wanted it to stop. The sting on his shoulder only heightened the continuous pleasure and everything just… just _felt so good_. Whatever was doing this to him was something he had very little control over; he was a marionette, a slave to the movements of his body, the means to whatever end the thing that had possessed him meant to achieve. He just wished he was allowed to participate in more than just the overwhelmingly magical sensations washing over him, or keep more than brief flashes of awareness. All he got to keep was the deep ache in his muscles and the throbbing in his head.

Currently, he was physically unable to open his eyes. They would not budge. He didn't think he wanted to either; the pressure he was feeling behind them threatened to make them pop out of his skull. Groaning, Yoosung rolled over onto his back, dragging a hand over his face. From what he could feel, he was at least in a bed. Trying to remember where he'd been last night, the last thing he could remember clearly was being at that party. Zifeara had asked him to dance with her and he'd been having a lot of fun. Everything after that was one big blur of sounds and snippets of… something? Instances of laughing together, the expressions she made… some that didn’t seem right. The more he strained to think, the more his brain yelled at him for it so he gave up, instead attempting to brush the blankets off himself. Zifeara could probably fill in the gaps for him herself, anyway.

He froze as his hand brushed over his body, feeling more skin than he should have. Had he taken his shirt off to sleep last night? Even if it had been dirty, that was kind of embarrassing in someone else’s house. Come to think of it... as he experimentally moved his legs, he didn’t feel the discomfort he normally would have from sleeping in a pair of jeans. Oh no. Sitting straight up, the dull ache in his head became a searing pain. He shouldn’t be moving that fast, but he didn’t pay it much mind, throwing the blankets off himself as quickly as he could. It was far worse than he wasn’t wearing a shirt- he wasn’t wearing _anything_ . He didn’t even sleep in the nude in his _own house_ , much the less anyone else’s. Feeling his face starting to heat up, he hastily looked around to find his clothes.

The room he was in was a purpleish-grey color, shelves of little things lining the far wall, what looked like a queen or even a king sized bed he was in, a closed door immediately to his left next to an open door leading into a bathroom- wait. _Wait_ . Did… did guest rooms usually have an attached bathroom? Looking around a little more closely at the things on the shelves, the pit of dread forming in his already nauseous stomach only grew. Snow globes from places he’d never heard of. Stuffed animals of different degrees of wear and tear, including a black cat that looked… eerily similar to a white one he used to see a lot. Pictures _of Zifeara_ with different people. Pictures of her in between the Choi twins. This was her room. _Oh no_.

Yoosung scrambled out of the bed, nearly falling over, but steadying himself as best he could while scooping his clothes off the floor. Stumbling into the bathroom, he hunched over the sink and tried to slow his breathing. It was coming in ragged gulps and he was certain he was slowly starting to lose his mind. Was this what poor Saeran felt like when he had episodes? If it was, he’d just gained a new respect for how the man managed to function through it. Ok, he had to take it easy. He had literally no proof that anything had-

Catching a glimpse of his own reflection tipped him over the edge. He moved as fast as he could to lift the toilet lid and empty the bile swirling around in his stomach. He hadn’t seen what he thought he had. He’d been wrong. He wasn’t covered in bruises from his neck to his chest. There weren’t a few long scratches down his chest to his stomach. _He didn’t have a very clear set of teeth imprinted into his shoulder_. He was wrong. Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong…

Now that he had nothing left to throw up, he carefully looked again. Yoosung ran his hands through his hair, pulling at it as he took it all in. He had seen correctly… he was covered in hickies and the largest bruise on his shoulder 100% resembled human teeth. He placed his fingers over the light red lines on his torso and pulled down, confirming they were the right size and shape to be nails. The first of his tears fell onto his hand and it startled him out of staring. He had… **_Oh no_ **.

How… why couldn’t he remember how this had happened? He had lost _everything_ and he couldn’t even remember how. The tears started coming in earnest now as he came to terms with what he’d done. He had nothing for his soulmate anymore. He had _promised_ her that he was hers and _only_ hers and now he was ruined. She barely talked to him as it was, now she… she was going to reject him. She could break their Bond if she resented him enough. He would lose his soulmate.

Yoosung couldn’t stop himself from crying, but he could get dressed and get the Hell out of here. At least go home so that he could breathe. Once he had fought his way into his own clothes, he staggered out of the bedroom to attempt to figure out where he was in the house. He was upstairs, so he made his way down as fast and as quietly as he could without falling down or giving his presence away otherwise. There at the bottom of the stairs was an entryway connected to what had to be the front door. He just had to-

 

“Hey, you’re up! Are you hungry? I made lunch if you-”

 

Zifeara was standing in an archway to his left and he still had at least 15 feet before he could even touch the door. Just hearing her voice made him lose control of what little composure he had and he gagged, almost throwing up again.

 

It sounded like she put something down as she moved towards him. “Yoosung, what’s wrong, what happened?”

 

What… what’s _wrong_ ? He would love to know what happened, but what was _wrong_ was that she did this to him. She had done something to him to make him do this. _She had cost him his soulmate_. Now it wasn’t about anything as rational as getting out. Now it was only impossible anger and hurt.

 

“What did you _do_ to me!?” Yoosung whipped around, slapping away the hand she had extended towards him. “What the fuck did you do…?”

 

She looked confused and uncertain, taking a step backwards and shaking her head. “I… Nothing you didn’t ask me to.”

 

“No! No, no I would have never- !” He was becoming hysterical, he chest trying to collapse in on itself but legs willing him to move before anything else could happen to him. “M-my, my soulmate, I…”

 

He was going to implode. Finally getting his body to move again, he dashed for the door, throwing it open and going. He didn’t care where, he didn’t care if his lungs burst, he was running as far away from this place as he could. Maybe if he went far enough, he could stop this from being real.


	4. Three Is a Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Seven tries to fix his friend, Saeran retreats to the safety of his best kept secret. Yoosung's world may be falling apart, but the youngest twin's is only building up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: an awful lot of angst, many tears, way too many emotions.

The sound of his brother's phone barely cut through the music pumping through his headphones as he painted, trying desperately to get this thing finished so that he could start something else. Saeran had been trying to get this idea down for a week and was finally almost done.

 

“Yellow~?” Saeyoung sounded all too happy to be answering. Saeran knew that was Zifeara’s ringtone, meaning she was probably calling about either a round of LOLOL they were playing later or dinner plans since it was a Saturday.

 

“Wait, wait, slow down. He _what now_?”

 

Okay, now this had Saeran’s attention. He was well aware that since Saeyoung had to come get him through a particularly… violent episode, Yoosung had gone home with Zifeara last night. There was no other ‘he’ they could be talking about right now. And it sounded like it wasn’t a good thing. Pulling his headphones out and wiping his hands, he threw his smock off and rushed into his room for his things. Shoving his wallet into his pocket and throwing things around looking for his keys, he just barely caught the last thing his brother said.

 

“Okay, I- I just- holy cats, okay. I’ll find him, don’t worry. Do you know which way he went?” Saeyoung was hopping on one foot trying to get his shoe on the other, phone balanced between his shoulder and ear.

 

He was always too slow. Saeran spun around his brother and grabbed his helmet off the floor in one fluid movement before he was out the door, not even closing it. If that little brat did anything to Zifeara… He couldn’t say he disliked Yoosung, but she came first. Before _anything_. Making it out to the garage, he rammed his helmet over his head, quickly starting his motorcycle. The engine roared to life and he pealed out faster than was strictly necessary. He was only a 10 minute drive from her house, but it felt like far longer.

The flash of yellow caught his eye when he was only a few blocks away. It wasn’t the safest thing to do, but skidding his motorcycle 90 degrees to slide around the turn was easier than it looked. He was about 80% certain that had been Yoosung. Speeding up to where he had last seen the boy, Saeran had his confirmation that the blonde was at least very lost.

Yoosung spun around, clearly startled by the sudden noise, but by the time he’d thought to keep running, Saeran had parked his bike haphazardly on the sidewalk and taken hold of his arm. The smaller boy struggled against him, slapping him in the chest and crying too hard to produce real words. Saeran had to lift the faceplate of his helmet to be heard over the impressive amount of blubbering the blonde was doing.

 

“Yoosung! It’s me, what the fuck are you doing out here?”

 

The boy’s red eyes blinked furiously, attempting to process everything around him. Saeran didn’t have time for this. One hand with a firm grip on Yoosung’s arm so he didn’t bolt again, he used the other to grab his phone and text his brother the cross streets they were on. This little one was his brother’s friend, therefor his problem. To his credit, it only took Saeyoung a couple of minutes to show up, but in that time Saeran hadn’t gotten any better of an idea what had happened; Yoosung was too upset to be coherent in the least.

 

Once he’d handed the blonde off to his brother, it was a mercifully short ride to his real destination. Trying the front door and finding it open, Saeran entered, hanging his helmet on the coat hooks next to the door like he always did. “Zifeara?”

 

The shuffling upstairs caught his attention and he was already halfway up by the time she leaned over the railing to see him. “Hey Saeran… Did Saeyoung find him?”

 

“Yeah.” Climbing the rest of the way, he stopped just short of actually touching her. “What the Hell is his problem? He looked like shit.”

 

Oooookay, that may not have been the right thing to say. Her expression went from mildly uncomfortable to deeply worried and she looked like she was about to cry. “I… I don’t know. I thought that…”

 

Ah Hell. He may have been bad at being gentle and unabrasive when dealing with other people’s issues, but he could at least shut up and listen. “Okay, okay, come on.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and started to walk them into her room. “Come sit down and tell me what happened. It’ll be alright, tora.”

 

This was going to be a long day.

 

***

 

“Hey, listen, I know it seems really bad right now, but things will be okay.”

 

No. No they wouldn’t. He appreciated what Saeyoung was trying to do, but Yoosung was inconsolable. He had broken the one most important promise he’d ever made his soulmate. He had by some dark magic been convinced to give up the only things he guarded with his life and to a woman he had known for fewer than 24 hours no less. He was easy; an absolute slut and at this point, he _wanted_ his soulmate to disown him. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved his loyalty, his faithfulness to the Bond they shared, not for him to give away everything important to the first person to want to take it from him.

 

Saeyoung could see what he had said had less than a fraction of an effect on him and tried again. “Yoosung, lots of people don’t wait for their soulmates, it isn’t really as big a deal as you’re making it. I understand why you’re upset, but-”

 

“Do you!? Sae-Saeyoung, you didn’t get- you didn’t _lose_ what I lost! I’m- I’m finished! Tainted! My soulmate is gonna- gonna _break our Bond_ when she finds out! I _promised_ her all of me, body and soul and I _lied_!”

 

He was curled up on the twin’s sofa, head in his hands debating on whether he could crush his own skull or not if he really tried. Not only did he have what Saeyoung informed him was definitively a hangover _somehow_ , but he had worked himself into an emotional frenzy. He wouldn’t stop crying no matter how hard he tried nor could he calm his breathing in the slightest. If he wasn’t screaming at his friend or himself, he was sobbing. It had been almost 2 hours since he’d woken up and he hadn’t gotten any better, only worse.

 

Saeyoung had been trying to hug him for a while, but now it seemed as though he was determined this time. Yoosung tried to get him to stop, hit him anywhere he could to prevent the older boy from touching him, but the redhead took hold of his arms in such a way that all he could do was squirm. Saeyoung was half cradling him and half laying on him, making it very hard to fight being in such a position. “Stop it, Yoosung. You’re going to hurt yourself if I let you carry on like this. Just let it out till you have nothing left and then you can calm down.”

 

As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t get loose. Saeyoung was stronger than him and likely had far too much practice doing this to his twin. Eventually Yoosung gave up, doing as his friend said and no longer trying to contain any of the grief he was experiencing. At least the twins had a townhouse so that they weren’t sharing a wall with neighbors that would think someone was murdering a child in here. As it would happen, screaming himself raw and kicking the undeserving arm of the couch till he probably had bruises on his feet too for a solid half hour was all it took to exhaust him, leaving only a prevailing numbness. He had fucked up. Fucked up real hard.

 

“Okay, are we done now?” Saeyoung didn’t sound accusatory, just cautious. He nodded and the other continued, his near painful grip on his wrists loosening. “Alright then. Why do you think your soulmate would disown you for this?”

 

God, why wouldn’t she? He could only hoarsely whisper at this point, but there was no emotion to his tone. He didn’t have any left right now. “Because I broke a promise. A really… really important promise. That it was her and only her that I ever wanted. She never talks to me anyway, she doesn’t even like me as it is and now…”

 

The redhead sighed and shifted their positions around so that Yoosung was facing him, bringing his hands up hold his face. “Look, I don’t think she doesn’t like you, she just… isn’t _ready_ for you. We didn’t talk about our soulmates while I was there, but you know something?”

 

Yoosung shrugged and he continued. “Zifeara is a Pigmentopath too.”

 

The blonde’s eyes widened a little. She hadn’t had any marks on her from what he could see… and he could see a lot of skin. “R… really?”

 

“Mhm. And to be honest, she treats her soulmate a lot like yours treats you. She doesn’t want to know him yet because she knows once they meet, that’s it. She likes doing what she wants whenever she wants to and just isn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet. She’s been sleeping around for years because she _likes_ to but that doesn’t mean that as soon as she finds her soulmate she won’t love them. As soon as I get you settled, I’m going to talk to her to find out her side of what happened.”

 

Yoosung went to protest. To say he knew exactly what happened and that she’d completely ruined his life, but in all honesty, that wasn’t entirely true. He couldn’t remember what happened.

 

Saeyoung saw his coming indignance and stopped him dead. “And I’m going to do that because she’s been my closest friend for years and I’d trust her with my life. This doesn’t sound like something she would do to me, so something had to have happened to cause this. Now, do you want to go home or do you want to stay with me tonight?”

 

As much as he wanted to go home and wallow in this… staying with Saeyoung was probably the better choice. He didn’t trust himself to be alone right now and his best friend was smiling gently like he really did want to help. “Stay here…”

 

“Done. Give me an hour or so to see what’s up with Z and I’ll stop at the store on my way home to get ice cream and pizza and we’ll watch cartoons tonight, yeah?”

 

He nodded, forcing a small smile of his own. Saeyoung got up and left, meaning Yoosung was on his own for a little while. He got off the couch and went to use the bathroom, washing his face and at least attempting to feel any kind of better. Even any better at all. Coming back out of Saeyoung’s room, he caught sight of the easel in a corner by the large sliding glass doors that led to the twin’s small backyard. He knew it was Saeran’s, but he’d never seen anything on it before. The painting it held was big and of the sea; a beautiful sunset over the water and the colors were stunning. He had never known Saeran was so good...

As he looked at it, a sharp pain shot right through him again; all the colors swirling around reminded him of the show his soulmate had put on for him, flashes of oranges and purples and teals, a myriad of hues just like this. He… he had to tell her. He knew he did. Moving into the kitchen and looking around the counters, he found a pen. Placing himself on the couch once more, he hesitated, thinking of how in the world he was going to tell her he had made the biggest mistake of his life at her expense.

 

_I’m sorry._

 

All that emotion he’d gotten rid of came surging back in just two words. His eyes teared up and he felt sick again even though he hadn’t eaten all day.

 

_I broke a promise._

 

***

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Zifeara shook her head, but from where she was laying, it was really just nuzzling into Saeran’s chest. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I just don’t know what exactly he’s upset about. I mean, do you think I shouldn’t have? Like I should have known better? It isn’t the first time I’ve brought a kinda drunk guy home and it has never turned out this way.”

 

One of his hands was on her lower back, the other smoothing over her hair. “No, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like he got exactly what he asked for. Just because I’ve seen him a lot… doesn’t mean I know him that well, though.”

 

She huffed. “I just feel really bad. We were having fun and then honestly, he was… really good. Not like, _you_ levels of good, but goddamn.”

 

Saeran chuckled softly, tilting her chin up so she could look at him. “I mean lets be fair, who _is_ me levels of good? I learned from the best, after all.”

 

“Saeran!” She chided him for joking like that under the circumstances, but there was no real heat to it. He wasn’t wrong.

 

He dipped his head, nosing under her jaw and down into her neck. “That’s my name, like it better when you scream it~”

 

Zifeara tried hard not to but she laughed, lightly thumping him in the chest and making him laugh too. He only held tighter, making it harder to escape his ticklish touch against her pulse point. God, he was so different when it was just them. He always had a spark in his eyes when he was with her or his brother or making art that he didn’t have when they were out and about. He always flipped a switch when they were in public that completely changed who he was.

Saeran looked back up, stemming the laughter from her mouth by softly placing his lips over hers. She hummed in appreciation and wriggled one of her hands free to curve around his jaw. It only lasted a moment or two before he pulled back, keeping them nose to nose.

 

“Speaking of problems…”

 

“Mmmn, no, no more problems today.”

 

“Saeran, I’m serious.”

 

He opened his eyes to meet hers and sighed before looking away.

 

“When are you going to tell your brother?”

 

He wouldn’t look at her again, even as she ran her thumb along his neck, trying to emphasize that she wasn’t upset about it. She had respected his wishes to stay quiet about this for almost a year now and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

“You know he worries about you, babe. I can guarantee he’s going to be excited about it. He’s wanted you to Rebond for so long…”

 

The noise of irritation he made as he buried his face back into her neck was one she was very used to.

 

“I know, but…”

 

“But what, love? What’s he gonna do, throw a fit? Saeyoung can’t control you or how Bonding works; even if for some reason he’s upset, there’s nothing he can do about it.”

 

He knew she was right. They had talked about this time and time again since he had to start hiding her marks if he didn’t want his twin to find out that he’d Rebonded to Zifeara. In all honesty, he knew it made sense. She was the only one he trusted as much as his brother. The only one he felt comfortable being close with. The only one who ever treated him kindly no matter how many times he’d screamed at her or hurt her because he wasn’t in control of himself. He loved her and by some miracle… she had altered her Bond for him. She had made them and her Original into a Triplicate. It was rare, but she’d bent the rules of the universe for him. No one could take that away from him.

 

“Hey.” She made him look at her, this time offering a light peck to the tip of his nose. “No matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours and you know that.”

 

While some days he really couldn’t believe it was true… he did know that. She wouldn’t have Bonded to him as well if she hadn’t wanted to. “Yeah… Soon, I promise.”

 

She gave a contented hum again, returning to their kiss. She was never happier than when they could just _be_ together like this. His hands wrapped around her waist as he rolled over, laying her over him, sighing as he opened his mouth to request she enter. She completely missed the tingle in her arm as she happily did what he wanted, tangling her tongue with his to distract herself from the problems of the world that existed outside this room right now.

At least she did till her doorbell rang. Saeran sat up with her still pressed to him, scowling out the open door to her bedroom, agitated growl rumbling in his chest. Zifeara could swear it was like having a guard dog as opposed to a boyfriend half the time with him. He flipped his switch again, adopting the stoney persona he bore when someone was intruding in his happy little world. Her phone went off beside them and she scooped it off the nightstand to find a message from Saeran’s other half.

 

**From: Sae**

**It’s me at your door, you okay? Can I come in?**

 

“It’s your brother.”

 

Saeran shot her a confused glance but let her get up, trailing behind as she made her way to the front door. Sure enough, as soon as she opened it Saeyoung was standing there, easy smile on his face not doing much to mask the underlying worry and turmoil he was having. She knew them a little too well by now to miss it.

 

“Heya Z, I was just here to try to clear up a few things as to why Yoo-”

 

Catching sight of his twin over her shoulder, Saeyoung looked surprised for about half a second. He must have thought Saeran left earlier to help him find Yoosung and then just decided to make himself scarce so he didn’t have to do the whole ‘comforting’ thing.

 

He regained himself quickly. “Uh, right. Can I come in? I just want to figure out what happened.”

 

She knew Saeran was usually way too protective of her, but now she wasn’t sure what he would do since it was his own brother threatening her comfort. She could almost feel his conflicted uncertainty, so she saved him the trouble.

 

“Yeah, sure. So long as you tell me afterwards what it is he thinks happened.”

 

She saw confusion cross the older twin’s contenance for just an instant before they all wandered into the living room so that she could tell Saeyoung much the same thing she’d told Saeran. She didn’t leave anything about their night out as far as she could remember, besides not going into too much detail about the actual sex they had. Zifeara watched Saeyoung’s face pale as she got to that, but he remained quiet until she was done.

 

“Wow, okay, uhm. I was honestly kind of mad when I got here, but… since I don’t think you’ve ever lied to me the entire time I’ve known you… Alright, two things.” Saeyoung took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Both things you weren’t told, which obviously isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I didn’t tell you how much of a lightweight Yoosung is when it comes to drinking before I left.”

 

That… would explain a lot then. He couldn’t police his own drinking. Yoosung was probably a lot more drunk than she thought he was, which is why he seemed so confused this afternoon; he couldn’t remember everything he had done.

 

“Number two is his fault- kinda a little mine but mostly his.” The redhead put his glasses back on and gave her a sympathetic look. “Yoosung was saving his firsts for his soulmate. That was why he was so upset at you, but I don’t think I can blame you for what happened. You didn’t know any of that and he apparently got so drunk that he forgot who he was for a bit. He has a wicked hangover right now, too.”

 

Zifeara could feel her stomach drop as she brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh… oh fuck.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Saeran had been quiet this entire time, but she could feel him gently run his hand up and down her back. He already knew she felt bad about this, but now she had a reason to. He was the only one to hear her whisper ‘he was a virgin!?’ under her breath, and with their prior conversation still fresh, he probably had to attempt not to laugh. He _would_ find this funny.

This was… a lot to process. That was a definitive end to the path she and Yoosung had been on to being friends. There was nothing she could do to make this up to him, nor could she take any of it back. She had robbed him of something important to him and she felt terrible.

 

“I… I don’t… I don’t know what to say, I-” She might be about to cry.

 

Saeyoung stood up and crossed the space, kneeling down and hugging her. “It wasn’t really your fault either. People make mistakes, just some with higher consequences than others. Yoosung will figure out how to deal with this and honestly, I don’t think his soulmate will be as mad at him as he seems to think she will.”

 

He stuck around for only a little while longer, making sure she was okay before leaving, acting… for lack of a better word suspicious that Saeran seemed to be staying. There was no way he’d just figured this out after an entire sodding _year_ , so she let it go, instead choosing to get a good bath in and order pizza so she and Saeran could just have a quiet night. At least having him around made her feel better.

 

***

 

He still sort of wanted to die, but at least the sentiment was lessened by eating nearly his own body weight in junk food and an endless stream of old cartoons. That coupled with his best friend’s near endless jokes, hugs, and cheer were making him less miserable. Yoosung looked at his arm sometime later to find new words, though they were few and just about ruined the livable state Saeyoung had worked him up to.

 

_What happened?_

 

On one hand, what hadn’t happened. Everything happened and he didn’t know how to tell her about it. On the other hand… she hadn’t written anything on him in almost a year, so at least she was interested enough to speak to him. He ignored it for the night, just focusing on making himself feel better. He needed to get himself together before trying to explain how he had destroyed their future relationship.

After a decent night’s sleep spent cuddled up to Saeyoung because that’s what good friends do, he returned home. He had a small amount of homework to do and had to become a functional human being for class tomorrow.

It was as he was in the shower getting ready for bed that he broke down again. How was he going to explain himself to his soulmate? From what Saeyoung had said, it all boiled down to the fact that he was a goddamn idiot and didn’t pay attention, drinking himself to the point of becoming a whole other person and literally begging to be fucked. He really had no one else to blame; he had started it, he had confirmed that he wanted it, he had had a really good time doing it apparently... He had caused his own destruction, he just happened to be left alone with someone who was very willing to help him do it.

Saeyoung had told him time and time again that it really wasn’t as big a problem as he was pumping it up into, but it didn’t _feel_ like less of a problem. It felt like he was an asshole. All he’d ever wanted since he was a little kid was to meet his soulmate, fall in love, have a fun job that made good money, buy a nice little house with a nice yard for a dog, and have a family of his own. He wanted that fairytale life and was quick to declare his love for the woman he was supposed to have that with. He was only 14 when he promised her that she was all he’d ever want.

And now he’d never have that. By breaking that particular promise, it meant that she was less important to him than just getting some ass. It meant that how aloof she’d been had taken its toll on him and he liked her less because of it. It meant that he didn’t love her like he should. None of that was true, but that was what he’d said by doing what he did. Maybe he should save her the trouble of being heartbroken. Maybe he should try to break his own Bond.


	5. Earning Your Stripes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of painting going on and it sparks something important. For everyone.

Things were for the most part normal again. It had been a few weeks since everything went to Hell in a handbasket and Yoosung liked to think he was coping pretty well considering his life was officially over. He went to class, paid attention most of the time, studied for his tests, did his homework, everything he should be doing. The only thing he hadn’t done was actually tell his soulmate. Everytime he tried to think of how to break it to them that he’d shattered his most important promise to them, nothing seemed right and he would reconsider, putting it off for another day. After his first week of doing this, he decided it would just be easier for everyone to just… give her up. He wasn’t 100% certain of how he could break their Bond since she hadn’t done anything to make _him_ hate _her_ , but maybe if he just stayed quiet and ignored her, it would weaken and eventually dissolve.

They say you can feel it the instant your Bond snaps; that it is without a doubt the most painful thing you can possibly experience. He felt bad that she would feel that pain, but it would give her the chance to find someone better for her. Someone who respected her enough to keep on top of his own actions and actually give her what she needed. He felt he deserved every single searing pang that this would elicit and if he could, he would take her pain too.

The only problem with his plan was that for the first time in his life, she would not leave him alone. He thought she would be easy to ignore, but he must have accidentally conveyed how upset he was to her when he wrote on his arm that he’d failed her. Ever since that day, she’d been pretty active; every Wednesday and Saturday she drew something on him with no provocation whatsoever. The first time it had been a jungle, lush trees and ferns dotted with signs of life. He had tried not to watch as the colors spread across his arm, but eventually the emotions surging into him made him look. She was worried about him.

The second time was even harder as she started making some sort of hybrid creature; a thing that appeared as a cross between a horse, a fish, and the ocean itself, covered in shells and with seaweed and coral for a mane. It only got more and more beautiful as the colors were added and before he knew it, he’d failed again and had been sitting there staring at his arm for an hour.

She kept making this so hard for him, showing more care and dedication to him than he had ever known her to in the 8 years since their Bond had manifested. So now as he sulked at his desk trying to finish an assignment so that he could relax for the night and his arm started to tingle, he could only heave a sigh and focus on his work. Not this time. He would not look. He would not care. He didn’t want to feel the ever present concern through his arm mixed with the warm and soothing familiarity of the brush against his skin, the cool confidence of the paint rising to the surface, the bubbling giddiness in his chest. His eyes were attached to his laptop screen as the mark staining his arm moved up past his elbow and over his shoulder with practiced grace, making this one of the bigger and harder to ignore pieces she’d ever done. He kept wishing it would just go away, that she would stop soon, but it only got worse, moving down his shoulder and over his chest. Which meant that currently, she was painting on her own-

Okay _no_ . Not thinking about this. He was trying to work and get her to forget about him, he was _not_ thinking about where on her body she was putting paint. The only body he was thinking of right now was his own and how he wanted it to be six feet under with how embarrassingly turned on he was getting from _feeling_ her touch over the soft planes of his chest and over his nipple and down his abs, ending just over his belly button. He spent a torturous _hour and a half_ feeling her go painfully slowly with every stroke, much the less when she discarded her bush in favor of her fingers,  causing his own body to betray his wishes. By the time she was finally done, he was a panting mess and was painfully hard in his jeans. Just because he didn’t remember what sex felt like didn’t mean his body didn’t and this was pretty close. He didn’t _dare_ touch himself while she was still working because she would feel it, but my god did he want to.

Having one more action to add to the list of things he could be ashamed of himself for, he gave up the second she was finished and unzipped his pants, pushing them down to his knees along with his underwear. It wasn’t about enjoying this, it was about relieving this tension so he could focus again. Realistically it only took a few minutes since he’d been on the edge for a while now, but that didn’t make it any easier to justify this to himself. Once again, he was the worst. Not only had he broken his soulmate’s trust but he had just used one of her gifts to him to get himself off, simply furthering the theory that he was nothing more than a sex-crazed degenerate. He’d been offered a poison and had taken it willingly but now it lingered in his veins, burning through his innocence and will to ignore the obscene urges of his body. He’d had a taste and now he was perpetually in a desert, thirsting after an oasis he’d had visions of only to find that it didn’t exist. He wanted his soulmate and couldn’t have her.

Fevered gasps turned into sobs as Yoosung realized he was failing. He _wanted_ his soulmate. He was supposed to be distancing himself from her and he just couldn’t do it. He would have to do this after all- tell her what he’d done and make her hate him. She’d have to be the one to sever their tie because he was too weak to do it. He needed her to break his heart.

Getting up to take a shower so that he could let his newest wave of grief out, he hesitantly pulled his shirt over his head to see what is was she had made that got him so hot and bothered. Taking in his reflection, he could feel his mouth hanging open as he took in every dip and curve of the piece stretching its way down his torso. He wanted to remain indifferent, really he did. He went to get his phone to take a picture. It really was beautiful.

 

***

 

“All done.”

 

Opening his eyes and taking a deep breath, Saeran sat up off his bed. It had been a bad day for him. Something had set him off, sent him into one of those spiraling moods where by the end of it… he just wanted to die. Probably the best thing about Bonding to Zifeara was that feeling her draw as opposed to just watching her cured him in ways he couldn’t describe. She had been about to draw for her Original anyway since she was still worried about his continued silence, so when he called her bawling into the phone, she came right over, bringing her paints with her. Saeyoung was at work, so they were safe at his place for the time being.

Slowly making his way into the bathroom, he turned towards his mirror and stared with immeasurable reverence at the thing of beauty she’d made especially for him. He knew her other soulmate had exactly the same thing on him, but he knew the _meaning_ of what she’d made.

 

“T-tora…”

 

Zifeara came up next to him and smiled gently, placing a hand on his shoulder in understanding. That was her favorite of his nicknames for her as well as the one with the most meaning and hearing it always made her heart melt. “Like it?”

 

Saeran was speechless. He ran his fingers over the cat, tracing the curve of its body across his own, feeling fresh tears sting his eyes. The bright oranges contrasted harshly with the pure blacks, every stripe somehow popping just as much as it flowed. “I… Watashi no tora {My tiger}…”

 

She smiled wider, his propensity to speak to her in Japanese when he was overwhelmed forever endearing. They’d learned it together and she always considered it to be their language; something they had unique to each other since no one else they knew could speak it.

 

He stared for probably a solid 5 minutes before she retrieved his phone from his dresser for him. His hands shook as he took the picture, meaning he had to do it over again so it wasn’t burry. “I… I seriously want this tattooed on me. What are you doing tomorrow?”

 

The sincerity in his eyes made her think of every reason she loved him all at once, sighing before laughing at such a bold proclamation of how much he loved her work. “Saeran, you have to think about something like that before just _doing_ it, you nut.”

 

“I did think about it. I’ve never been so in love with anything that isn’t you and I want to keep it.”

 

Giggling more and pushing him aside, she turned on the shower, waiting for the water to warm up. “Seriously Saeran, think about it for longer and if you really want it on you somewhere, I’ll paint you another one and you can get that one done. Somewhere a little less painful, like on your back.”

 

Still tracing his own skin, he pouted at her. “But I’d never see it on my back…”

 

Shaking her head at him, she felt the water and decided it was warm enough. “Saeran, a tattoo is a big deal. Besides, I’ll draw it again whenever you decide where you really want it. I just…”

 

Stepping closer and taking his face into her hands, his expression relaxed at the serious tone she adopted. “Ookami {Wolf}, I want you to tell him. In the next day or so. For me.”

 

His eyes grew comically wide, and his posture stiffened. “W-why so suddenly?”

 

“Well… the thing with Yoosung really made me think. I already have one of my soulmates and… and you’re enough. Until I find my Original, you’re all I need. I want to stop sleeping around and start sleeping with just you _without_ having to tiptoe around like we don’t belong together.” She brushed the tear falling down his cheek away and smiled up at him. “I want to be _together_ together.”

 

It took him a minute to really process what it was she was telling him, but when he did, there were an awful lot of tears, kisses, and a really good round of shower sex. Zifeara was his. Almost entirely his. He was starting to hope maybe they never found her Original. What could the mystery man give her that he couldn’t?

 

***

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**Saeran Choi, you better be on your deathbed right now I s2g.**

 

Now she was starting to get irritated. It was 15 minutes into the first class of the day and Saeran was nowhere to be seen. Granted, their first class on a Thursday didn’t start till 10 after 11am, but still. Zifeara had her phone under the table and had been texting him all morning, trying to figure out where the Hell he’d gotten off to.

By the time she finally got a reply, oh, 2 _hours_ after her last text, it didn’t do anything to improve her mood. The first thing he sent her was a picture of himself that looked like he had taken it by holding his phone at an awkward angle as far away from himself as his right arm would reach, shit-eating smirk on his lips, left hand curled into devil horns. With two different guys hovering over him working on what looked like making a black outline of the tiger sprawling across his body.

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**Sorry not sorry, love. I wanted this thing exactly where it was and I couldn’t let it get too faded. Been here all morning and they have about an hour or so left.**

 

Okay, there was a difference between wanting to piss her off and having a _deathwish_ and he was edging towards the latter.

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**ARE YOU INSANE???!!?! What did I say yesterday???**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**That you loved me more than anyone else and that you want me to tell Saeyoung that you and I are soulmates. Can you think of a better and more official way to do that than to get the most precious gift anyone has ever given me engraved on my body?**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**Cause it’s too late now, it’s 75% of the way done. At least until I have to come back so they can start the lengthy process of coloring this in, that is.**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**Besides, it only hurt like a bitch when the dude was doing the parts like, 6 inches away from my dick. It’s worth it.**

 

Son of a bitch. As much as she wanted to be mind-numbingly furious with him… she kind of couldn’t be. In his own way, it was exceptionally sweet of him to want to keep this particular thing with him forever. Saeran would never fully heal from losing his Original- no one ever did- and that was a big part of why he loved tigers so much. They were his favorite animal because they had been his Original’s; she had never gone anywhere without her stuffed tiger, Tiáowén. After he had lived with Zifeara for a few years and they started learning Japanese, he had taken to calling her tora; the word for tiger. Returning the sentiment by dubbing him ‘wolf’ since she thought they were just picking animal names for each other, Zifeara played along. Saeran didn’t tell her why he called her that for the longest time, but… him getting this tattoo was just a way of showing her how important to him she was. And she’d halfheartedly yell at him later.

 

***

 

This was a very, _very_ hard choice. As much as Yoosung wanted to stick to his guns and make his soulmate move on… honestly, he was so impressed with the tiger climbing its way down his body that he didn’t think he could. They had put real care and effort into this. And she had been really trying to perk him up consistently for three whole weeks and wasn’t showing any signs of stopping. Maybe… maybe Saeyoung was right. Maybe they actually would be more forgiving than he was of himself. Maybe he’d just been really harshly overreacting. It wasn’t as if he’d never been far too emotional about something before. Though really, he felt this was an appropriate response to losing his virginity in a drunken stupor. It was one Hell of a way to start a day, that was for sure.

He was sitting around eating lunch with a few of his classmates, though he was the only one sitting in a short tree as he ate. His cohorts were at the base of it, having a discussion of an online game he didn’t play so it was easy to tune them out for a little while and get lost in his own head without missing anything. He didn’t have class again for another hour and with fall upon them, it was nice out here. It was just starting to be the perfect weather for all his longsleeved shirts. Sitting in the open grassy space between the library and the cafeteria was starting to be one of his favorite ways to relax.

The loud roar of an engine in the adjacent parking lot snapped him out of his musings, and pretty much everything came to a halt as the black motorcycle pulled into its parking space. It wasn’t the bike Yoosung recognized, it was the helmet; Saeran. The skull shape was hard to miss and the leather jacket even moreso. What he wasn’t familiar with was the fact that there were two people on that bike. He had never seen Saeran with anyone who wasn’t Saeyoung the entire time he’d known the twins. He really should have known better.

The blonde could feel his heart drop as soon as the second rider pulled off their black, cat-eared helmet. Her long ebony hair flowed out and around her shoulders as she shook her head for good measure. Zifeara took the hand Saeran offered to help her get off and surprisingly… didn’t let go once he grabbed both their bags and started walking to class. Did… He knew Saeran hadn’t Rebonded in the 9 years it had been since his Original passed away, Saeyoung had told him as much, and he also knew that Saeran didn’t like people which was a major reason it was taking him so long to find someone else. He had thought Zifeara was Saeyoung’s friend; no one ever mentioned anything about Saeran…

Yoosung wasn’t sure when he had brought a hand up to where the face of the tiger under his shirt was, but he was certain of when the electric rush under his skin started. He should hate Zifeara beyond a shadow of a doubt; she was the entire source of his misery for the past month. He should never want to lay eyes on the woman again. The second he had seen her, that familiar sensation crept up on him again and he couldn’t look away. There was no way he held a single good emotion towards her since everything that had transpired, so _why_ was it that his heart rate sped up and he was starting to warm? How was he this strongly attracted to someone who was without question the worst mistake he had ever made? Especially when she was walking fingers entwined with another person?

He must be even more broken than he thought he was. Forget just apologizing to his soulmate for being such an ass, he might have to try to apologize _in person_ for this. If he could meet them, surely he would be able to at least forget about Zifeara Nightshade and the the power she had over his life.

 

***

 

Saeran had been acting a little odd for a few days now. Saeyoung of course noticed right away; he noticed everything about his twin and it was only easier to see that something was different since they lived together. It had started on Wednesday now that he really thought about it; when he got home from work, he knocked on his brother’s door to check on him and Saeran only opened it a crack, telling him he’d had a bad day and wanted to shut himself in the rest of the night. That in itself wasn’t weird, but it became suspicious after everything that followed.

On Thursday, Saeyoung knocked on his door to get him up for breakfast at about 9:30. Saeran never woke up earlier than he had to on Thursdays since he didn’t have class till 11, with the only exception being if Zifeara invited them to go get breakfast with her. Upon receiving no response, he opened the door to find his brother absent. He checked his phone again, making sure he hadn’t missed a text before getting concerned.

 

**To Baby Brother:**

**Dude, you should have told me you and Z were getting breakfast!!! I would have wanted to come D:**

 

He went about his business but became severely nervous when he didn’t get a reply before he had to leave for his own classes. He didn’t get an answer all day. He text Zifeara and was relieved to find that she knew where he was and that he was fine, but Saeran knew how he worried. That night when he heard the door to their home open, he immediately blocked the path to his brother’s room and asked where he’d been all day.

 

“Uhm… claaaaaaaass?”

 

Saeyoung raised an eyebrow. That was the least convincing thing he may have heard out of Saeran’s mouth in years.

 

“Saeran-ah, you weren’t in your room when I went to get you up for breakfast and you didn’t answer my text all day. I had to ask _Zifeara_ if she had talked to you and I was really worried. Why didn’t you text me?”

 

Saeran pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at it before returning his gaze to his twin. “I’m sorry, hyung, I didn’t… see your text. Must have missed the notification or… something.”

 

It would be so much easier if his brother ever had a simple tell as to when he was lying, but Saeran held firm eye contact and his expression was as neutral as it ever got. “And if I ask Zifeara where you were all day, what would she tell me?” He hated dangling their best friend over his twin’s head, but often times it actually worked; Saeyoung knew how important she was to them better than anyone and she _always_ knew where Saeran was.

 

Saeran held his stare with a steady determination, searching for why his brother was so pushy about this. “She would tell you the exact same thing I just did. Now do you mind? I have homework to do.”

 

Saeyoung stepped out of the way and let Saeran get to his room, but he wasn’t buying it. The younger twin was up to something.

Over the course of the next several days, he was more reclusive than ever, but also more… something. Saeran seemed less on edge, less testy, somehow… softer. He found his twin smiling to himself a lot more than he ever had before, sighing every once in a while, _humming_ for fuck’s sake! Saeyoung was trying to think of anything that could be causing this, asking Zifeara if she had noticed Saeran behaving differently, only to be met with ‘No?’. Hell, at this point he was starting to think maybe… his brother had gotten laid or something. Maybe he finally let himself get close enough to another person to relieve his pent up stress in a much more appealing way than throwing things around his room.

He had his answer when he came home Tuesday night and found Saeran sitting on the couch, not doing anything besides nervously playing with his fingers.

 

“Saeran? You okay?”

 

He jumped at the sound of his twin’s voice, but didn’t get up. “Y-yeah, I am. Saeyoung, I… I need to tell you something.”

 

Dropping his things off by the entryway, he came around the couch and settled into the most open and welcoming posture he could. “Of course! You know you can tell me anything, beloved brother of mine!”

 

The younger Choi took a few steadying breaths before reaching down to remove his shirt. Saeyoung’s eyes widened as far as physically possible as he took in the dark lines across his brother’s skin.

 

“You… you got a tattoo!?” He wasn’t angry of course, just surprised.

 

“A-Actually, hyung… I got more than that.”

 

***

 

The text tone from his best friend startled him a little since he was so absorbed in the round of LOLOL he was currently in. Yoosung finished what he was doing before looking, but several more messages piled in after the first and he lost track of how many there were before he actually saw them.

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**ASDFDPOV;’SFKNFO!!!!!!**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**YOOSUNG U ARENT GOING T BELIEVE THS**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**I stll cant believe this!!!! It hapened!!!!! It FINALLLY happened!!!!!!!**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Saeran Rebonded!!!1 I’m so proud T_T**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I’ve been waiting years for this!**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**Dude, I think I’m crying right now.**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**I’m definitely crying rn**

 

**From Saeyoung:**

**I’m sorry, that was a lot of spam, lol. I’m just like, an ungodly amount of happy is all… TwT**

 

Oh… oh wow. If he was honest, he didn’t think Saeran would be able to do that anytime soon, especially with how aloof he was. I mean, who did he even- Images of earlier this week flashed in his head; the day he’d seen Saeran last more specifically. He’d never seen Saeran touch another human being before and yet there he’d been, holding hands like it was no big thing. He had Rebonded to Zifeara. Good. Yoosung would have to start hanging out with Saeyoung over here as opposed to his place so that he wouldn’t accidentally run into her. He really wanted to stop running into her.

 

***

 

**From Sae:**

**YOU**

 

**From Sae:**

**HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?!?!?!?!?**

 

Oh boy, here we go. She knew this was coming. At least Saeran kept his promise.

 

**To Sae:**

**It’s been almost a year. He made me promise not to tell you until he was ready. I guess he was worried about how you’d react or something for some reason.**

 

**From Sae:**

**Asfnesfnskfnskvcnsl**

 

**From Sae:**

**A YEAR???? Holy why?**

 

**From Sae:**

**Did you think I’d be mad????**

 

**From Sae:**

**waiT DID YOU BOND BACK????????!**

 

She giggled. Saeran hadn’t told him everything apparently.

 

**To Sae:**

**Dunno, I didn’t think you’d have a problem, but Saeran works in mysterious ways.**

 

**To Sae:**

**And of course I Bonded too. How could I not love your brother? You know you’ve both always been important to me.**

 

**From Sae:**

**…So you’ve only been Bonded for a year even though you’ve always been close**

 

**From Sae:**

**And it just suddenly happened?**

 

Oooooh, he was figuring it out. That was the problem with geniuses. Saeran could be mad at her all he wanted, it would be worth it to give his twin a stroke.

 

**To Sae:**

**Oh honey, no, it built up to that. I’ve been fucking your brother since he was 17.**

 

She turned the volume off on her phone and waited. After what was about a 5 minute pause the screen stayed lit up for probably a good minute. Zifeara just laughed and stared at it longer to see if she called it right. And wouldn’t you know it, Saeran started blowing the device up right afterwards. Her twins operated like clockwork; they always had and it would never get old. Now if only her Original was so consistent.

He had bothered her with something written on her arm at the very least twice a week without fail ever since they Bonded and now he was completely silent. The overwhelming raw emotion she had felt the last time he wrote anything had been enough to scare her; just because she hadn’t been ready to commit to him didn’t mean she didn’t want him at all and she had never felt him so… sad. He seemed completely heartbroken and she couldn’t think of a single thing she’d done as of late to cause such a change in him, meaning wherever he was, her soulmate had just been through something terrible.

To be honest… she was starting to consider trying to find him. Mostly to make sure he was okay but she was ready. Saeran wouldn’t be happy about having to share if she knew anything about him, but she was done ignoring them. She was supposed to make him something tomorrow before having a celebratory dinner with the twins. Saeyoung of course wanted to have a whole party since Saeran Rebonded, but the younger twin had vetoed it, bringing them down to just a high-effort dinner in the family. Maybe… she would just tell him; tell him that she wanted to see him and that they were a Triplicate. Maybe she should ease him into it. Either way, Zifeara had to do something and soon.


	6. It Feels Like Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So close but yet so far. Revelations happen and everyone is about to be turned on their heads.

Ever on time, Zifeara pulled up to the Twin’s place at 5:30, exactly when she said she’d be there. The second she stepped in the door, Saeyoung picked her up and spun around with her, pressing a big solid kiss to her cheek that lasted just long enough for Saeran to make an angry noise from behind them.

 

“What? She’s my _sister_ now, Saeran-ah~! My lovely sister who brought what looks like brownies!”

 

She had indeed brought brownies and they busied themselves cooking. The twin’s kitchen wasn’t small, but with three of them in there, it wasn’t easy. Eventually she and Saeran shooed Saeyoung out since he wasn’t helping much anyway, working methodically around each other just like they did when they painted to produce something edible. Every time Saeyoung would say something in a wistful tone of voice about how good they looked together and how in sync they were, Saeran would flick rice at him and she would just shake her head at them both. She knew damn well they weren’t going to live down literally fucking around behind the older twin’s back for three whole years that easily.

Once the food was done and they ate, drank, and made merry, she went back out to her car and brought her paints and such in so that she could fulfil Saeyoung’s rather odd request. He had seen her paint a million times, but he insisted on watching her do it and having it show up on his brother’s arm. His reasoning was mostly because he’d never seen a Pigmentopath’s mark manifest before and wanted to see how it worked, but the other thing was that Saeyoung really wanted to see it affect his brother to have this kind of Bond. From everything he’d read, it was a completely engulfing experience for their kind and he wanted to watch Saeran lose himself to that kind of happiness for once. So there they were, the twins on the couch and her on the floor because it was easier this way, paints strewn across their coffee table and her staring at her bare forearm thinking of what she wanted to make.

She started and Saeyoung’s eyes were glued to his twin and his arm, marveling at how the paint seemed to seep out from his own skin, taking in every expression Saeran made as he sat there with his eyes closed, just feeling Zifeara do what she did best. She grinned after laying down the base coat and letting it dry, surprising the twins and making Saeran blush to his ears by finishing the rest with her fingers instead of her brushes.

 

***

 

Oh come on, no, _please_. Yoosung was trying to have a conversation over the phone with his mother when his soulmate started up her drawing. Not only had he forgotten it was Wednesday, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that his arm was suspiciously bare at this time of day. It wasn’t intensely difficult to keep his attention where it needed to be, but he was starting to get worried about what he was feeling through their Bond; his soulmate was amused, an excitement bubbling up to the surface underneath a practiced calm. She had painted his entire forearm and some of his upper arm black, pausing most likely to let the paint dry. His mother was asking how his classes were and he took that time to try to get through this quickly so that he could get her off the phone before his soulmate ramped up. Didn’t look like that was happening, though.

She asked how his soulmate was literally the second he felt the woman in question start to do something he had only known her to do once before; use her fingers. _No, no,_ **_no_ ** . Not now, anytime but _now_ . That last time she’d done that, he ended up with a massive tiger and a handful of cum. He was talking to his _mother_ for Christ’s sake. He tried to tell her in as even a tone of voice as he could manage that he still hadn’t met them yet but that they were very active in leaving drawings on him lately.

His soulmate’s fingers were swirling ribbons of blues and purples across his arm, meaning she was probably making another galaxy. Those were her favorite to make and he couldn’t deny he loved them too. Feeling her use what was definitely her thumb to blend the colors really shouldn’t have been as arousing as it was _where_ it was, but the emotions connected to the action honestly felt like flirting; he felt like she was right there, making eye contact with him and touching him this way, telling him he was cute and making sure he knew where she was going with this. Not that he knew what that felt like in his daily life, but it was so easy to imagine right now.

He must have accidentally made some noise because his mom asked if he was okay and he had to quickly mumble some excuse about needing to go because he had realized if he didn’t hurry and go get dinner, the cafeteria would close. He said his goodbyes and hung up, now completely focused on his arm. The more he watched and felt her working the paint into his skin, the more he started losing any trepidation he had for keeping away from her. He should… he should be a fucking man and get this over with. Any consequences that came from this he would have to accept; it was realistically his own fault and he would have to address this like an adult.

 

He waited until she was done before grabbing a pen off his desk and taking a deep breath. _I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you._

 

He knew she would feel the shame and regret he harbored, but it didn’t matter. Honestly, Yoosung expected her to be silent once more, to go back to the way things were now that she knew he was just being an ass this entire time. He really hadn’t thought he would get a reply, especially not so quickly.

 

_It’s alright, I can’t say I’ve been much better. Are you okay?_

 

Holy crap. Saeyoung had been right… she did care. That was stupid, of course she _cared_ ; she’d been drawing things for him any time he had something important happening for years. Just because she didn’t want to talk to him or know who he was… didn’t mean she didn’t want him. God he was so dumb.

 

_Things haven’t been the best lately, but I’m fine. I_

 

Okay, no really, how was he going to do this? How did he tell her?

 

_need to tell you something._

 

There was a pause- an excruciatingly long pause that he thought he was going to have an entirely new nervous breakdown over- but then she wrote back. _Okay. Do you think you could tell me in person?_

 

 **_What_ ** …? She… his soulmate wanted… to _meet him_!? After 8 years of barely speaking, she wanted to see him? Oh my god, Saeyoung was so right. He had just needed to give her time. She was ready to meet him and he just had to do it on her terms. He couldn’t believe this was happening after all this time. Yoosung couldn’t sit still anymore, getting up and pacing around his room and making small giddy noises.

 

_Absolutely! God, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to_

 

Alright, he needed to get a grip, that sounded stupid and desperate on a level he didn’t think he was capable of. He’d already written it and surely she felt that he was way too into the idea of seeing her.

 

_Sorry, I’m just really excited… You know I’ve been wanting to know you pretty much my whole life. Where do you want me to go? I’ll be anywhere you want me to._

 

Yeah, and that _didn’t_ sound less desperate. Good job Yoosung Kim, you absolute disgrace of a human. He could literally feel her laughing at him. _I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t let you. I’m ready now though, and I’m looking forward to it too. Do you know where SKY University is?_

 

Wow… he had been right. She was a student too? Good god, he might have been within _feet_ of her before and have never known. Maybe he’d said hi to her before. Weren’t… weren’t most Bonds with an empathic component supposed to know when they met their soulmate? From what he remembered learning, empaths could almost always feel when they met their Original the moment it happened, another bonus to his type of Bond. It was supposed to be a strong feeling too, one he definitely would have noticed. Then again, SKY was a really big place and if they had completely different majors, it wouldn’t have been too hard to miss her.

 

_Yeah, I actually go there right now!_

 

_Perfect. Is 7pm too late? By the giant seagull tomorrow?_

 

Yoosung readily agreed and continued to bounce around his room. He had just arranged to _meet_ the woman he had only been dreaming about for 8 years. Almost half his entire life. He only slowed down a little when he remembered why he was meeting her, but he started daring to be optimistic. Once she saw him, once she felt that special connection they shared, she might be more open to his apologies and believe him when he insisted that he knew it was his greatest mistake. She might forgive him sooner if she got to look at him and see how sincere he was in his regret.

Okay, speaking of- he had to plan this out very carefully right now. He needed to be certain of what he was going to say to her. And he’d need to come home after class tomorrow, take a shower, wear something nice, maybe he should bring her something? It wasn’t exactly like a first date or anything, but was that polite to do? Oh god, he was going to mess this up.

 

***

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**Are you SURE you don’t want me there? For like, any reason?**

 

Goddamn, she knew he was always going to be overprotective, especially since he’d lost his Original, but sometimes Saeran didn’t give her enough credit. Zifeara was a fucking dragon in human skin, she could handle herself in pretty much any situation.

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**Yes I’m sure, ookami. I’ll be fine, I swear. It’s just my Original and he doesn’t even know we’re a Triplicate yet, I want to ease him into this.**

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**Besides, I know you’re just around the corner you shithead.**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**What??? When did you see me?**

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**I didn’t, but thanks for confirming my suspicions. It’s you, I thought you couldn’t be too far behind.**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**…**

 

**From Saeran-kunnie:**

**Fuck you.**

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**You do so happily, now will you piss off? Go do something else with your night, I’m busy after this anyway.**

 

**To Saeran-kunnie:**

**I have that stupid paper to write for sodding art history. You’ll have to remind me why we even took that class over… whatever our other option was.**

 

Looking up and around, nothing was different from the last 15 minutes she’d been sitting here. She knew was she was early, but now it was nearly 7pm on the dot. Pulling out her little sketchbook to draw, she tried to relax. It was odd; there wasn’t much that bothered her, but now Zifeara was kind of nervous. She’d been wondering what kind of person her Original would be, how he looked, how he sounded… it was weird for her. She had Bonded to Saeran for just about a million reasons, but this man she was meeting was someone the universe thought she needed. Saeyoung had bet it would be someone to mellow her out, someone she’d actually listen to, but honestly, she and Saeran were such dominating personalities she thought that would be hard to top.

Zifeara felt a chill and it snapped her out of what she was thinking. Blinking a few times, she looked at her book and realized she’d been drawing on autopilot. She glanced around again before trying to figure out what it was she’d been making. It was starting to look like a person, but it was too undefined as it was to figure out who her mind had wandered to. Looking at what she did have, there was at least no way it was the twins; the jawline was too soft to be either one and though she’d left space for hair, she hadn’t done it yet. She did have the slope of a nose and it didn’t match the Chois either, so it wasn’t just that she’d done the jawline _wrong_. She… had been going somewhere with this. She didn’t just draw no one in particular, never had and never would.

Who the Hell was this supposed to look like? She hadn’t got far enough in to make it obvious and based on the slope of the shoulders and part of the torso she had, it was clearly meant to be male. That made sense considering she’d been thinking of her soulmates, but like… no really, what the fuck? Grumbling at her own vague intentions for her doodle, she looked back at her phone. 7:20. Her Original was really late.

 

Digging around in her bag for one of her Sharpies, she wrote just near all their other messages from yesterday. _Where are you?_

 

It took her another five minutes to feel something back, and when she did, he seemed nervous and unsettled. _Ran into someone I’d rather not see. May have to reschedule. I’m REALLY sorry…_

 

This was punishment for playing so hard to get for all these years, wasn’t it? The rest of her week was packed and she and Saeran had their group projects coming up in their main art class soon, meaning he’d be insistent on spending all their free time together on it.

 

_No big, might not be able to this again for a while though- busy major this year._

 

Her Original felt extremely anxious and crestfallen now. _Oh… I mean it, I’m so sorry. I mean, I could just tell you my name?_

 

If there was one thing about all this soulmate nonsense she did believe in, it was the element of surprise. This seemed way too lame if she just _knew_ things and it wasn’t unplanned like it was with Saeran.

 

_I would so much rather not know till I meet you. Takes the fun out of it, you know?_

 

She didn’t think he’d be mad or anything, and he didn’t feel like it. _I’ve waited this long right? As long as I still get to know you, I can wait another 8 years if you need me to._

 

Maybe this boy wouldn’t be so bad after all. That was sweet enough to make her sick.

 

***

 

Yes. He had this. He could do this. He could not screw this up in every conceivable way. Yoosung looked probably the best he ever had in his own clothes; his retro game style shirt with the original gen Bokemon starters on it, his sky blue jeans with little stars on the buttons, his red Vans, and his favorite red hairclips were all perfectly coordinated to complement each other and make the reds pop. He’d always been good with making colors match when it came to clothing, so he was confident he’d nailed it. His white zip up hoodie was open at the moment, but the yellow star over the right hand pocket only tied the two bits of red together. Hell, if he was really giving himself too much credit, he’d even dare to say he was lookin’ hot. For him.

He had decided bringing something to his soulmate would be too weird, especially since he knew so little about her so he just set out. He lived only a 15 minute walk from campus, so he’d be just on time if he didn’t hurry. Yoosung couldn’t help the absolute giddy energy that coursed through him. This was everything he thought it would be; butterflies in his stomach, consuming thoughts of what she would be like, rehearsing over and over again what it was he was going to say.

 

“H-hi, I’m Yoosung. It’s so, _so_ nice to finally meet you!” Yes he was whispering under his breath, no he didn’t care. If it sounded stupid out loud, then it _was_ stupid. “Listen, I need to tell you something really important, so just let me get it out between us. I… I didn’t mean for it to happen, I would never have broken such an important promise if I’d known what I was doing, but… I accidentally got so drunk at a party that I broke my promise to save my firsts for you. I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t remember a second of it and-”

 

Yeah no, that did sound terrible. There was really nothing he could do to make it not sound exactly as bad as it was. Ok, he really should lead more with how amazing they were in person and how much he already loved them. That was probably better.

Reorganizing his speech at least three more times on the way there, he had finally gotten a glimpse of where he was headed. The massive metal seagull stood tall at the direct center of campus and Yoosung couldn’t quite put the memory of his first day out of his head. Zifeara had been right, it was really easy to navigate campus just based on the position of the bird. As helpful as she had been that first time, she was only a problem every time after.

Coming from the side of campus that had a decent amount of foliage on the green, Yoosung stopped by a tree just one more time to collect his nerves. He peeked around it to eye the base of the statue, trying to determine if he would have trouble determining who his Original was. If there were a lot of people here right now, he’d have to think of how to get her attention. There were a group of kids near a bench off to the side, but there was only one person sitting directly on the concrete base of the school mascot. One girl.

He wasn’t sure if he swore out loud or not, but he definitely ducked back around that tree with ninja speed. There was no way. That was not possible, it was just a coincidence. Maybe his eyes were lying to him. Leaning out just a little bit again, he was absolutely right; that was without a doubt Zifeara Nightshade sitting on that bird, wearing Saeran’s leather jacket and drawing. Maybe… maybe she was _just_ drawing. She looked up and around and Yoosung made sure to stay out of sight. He could hear his heart hammering away in his chest, a mixture of underlying anxiety and his body’s inability to tolerate this woman. God, him losing his shit with her was because he was an empath, wasn’t it? She turned him on and it never stopped happening.

Okay, maybe if he was really lucky someone else would show up and this wouldn’t be his fate. There was no way in any universe that made sense that she was his soulmate. He refused to believe this. She couldn’t be! She was the one who had given him a midlife crisis before his 20’s, she was the one who got him to give up the most important gifts he had saved for his soulmate- his _real_ soulmate- completely without his knowledge, she was busy hanging out with Saeran of all people, she looked really nice in those jeans and the expression she was making as she analyzed whatever she was drawing-

Shut up! His soulmate had to be on the side of the statue he couldn’t see from here, but he couldn’t do this- not with Zifeara right there. Yoosung started walking back home as fast as he could, anything to get out of here right now. The tingling in his arm reminded him that she was still waiting and that now he was technically very late. He at least got off campus and hid beneath a large willow tree so that he could freak out in peace.

 

_Where are you?_

 

All over the place. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down, he told her what technically wasn’t a lie. _Ran into someone I’d rather not see. May have to reschedule. I’m REALLY sorry…_

 

Okay, if she was fine with that… he just had to engineer a situation where he would know for sure who he was looking at. Then he’d be able to laugh about this with her later. Yeah, imagine thinking the universe would ever put him with someone like Zifeara, hahaha… ha.

 

_No big, might not be able to this again for a while though- busy major this year._

 

Oh… of course. She was older than him, therefor busier than him. It made sense but… he really should have gone around the statue. He had done all of this prep for nothing.

 

 _Oh… I mean it, I’m so sorry._ Something occurred to him and it seemed worth a shot. _I mean, I could just tell you my name?_

 

He of course, wouldn’t tell her if she didn’t want him to. One of the largely accepted rules of being a Pigmentopath was respecting your soulmate’s desire to meet naturally without giving too much away. It was just how some of them were. For some of them, they lived for the spark they felt upon meeting and hearing their Original’s name for the first time.

 

It would seem she was one of those. _I would so much rather not know till I meet you. Takes the fun out of it, you know?_

 

He couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed but… he owed her this much for ruining all their other firsts together.

 

_I’ve waited this long right? As long as I still get to know you, I can wait another 8 years if you need me to._

 

He sighed and started making his way back home. This would be so worth it once it actually happened. Once he met her, everything would be fine. She’d probably be a little mad he broke his promise, but they were soulmates; they were perfect for each other and they could work this out. Then he could get back on track to that happily ever after he had always dreamed of.

 

***

 

Being stood up wasn’t exactly the best, but life moved on and so did Zifeara. She still drew for her Original and they didn’t talk much, but she knew he was still there. As she had thought, any free time she was blessed with was immediately monopolized by her new very demanding boyfriend. He had realistically been her boyfriend for a year, but now that it was official, Saeran was doing literally everything he could think of to make it very obvious to anyone who talked to her that she was now off the menu. It wasn’t as though she didn’t appreciate what he was doing and she understood _why_ he was doing it, but it got a little obnoxious after the first week. Needless to say, when Saeran had to stay late at work for their boss Michael, she took the opportunity to hang out with the other person that had been unnecessarily kept at a distance; Saeyoung.

Sitting on his couch eating some of Saeran’s ice cream and complaining about their professors was a welcomed respite from having to paint constantly or do homework or let Saeran lovingly smother her. Ever since she and her Aunt had taken the twins in 8 years ago, she’d always liked Saeyoung and he was easy to talk to. He could always make her laugh if she was feeling down and knew just when to be serious about something.

Saeyoung offhandedly asked about her soulmate, knowing full well she’d tell him to fuck off if she didn’t want to talk about him and she paused. _Did_ she really want to talk about him? She still hadn’t been able to find the time to meet him, nor had they really spoken since he didn’t show up two weeks go. He had run new times by her, but their schedules never seemed to line up. She didn't want to admit that it had been bumming her out just a little, but it definitely was.

 

“He's… quiet. I haven’t been able to meet him at any of the times he suggested and I’m kinda… I dunno, it’s dumb.”

 

She set her empty bowl on the coffee table and crossed her arms. Saeyoung gave a sympathetic smile and leaned over, grabbing her shoulders and maneuvering them so that they were both lying back on the couch, her back to his chest. She wanted to squirm, but he wrapped her into one of his famous all-encompassing hugs and she knew she was stuck. “Nothing is dumb when you’re talking about how you feel. You’re an empath, Z; you feel more strongly than the rest of us, even if you pretend you don’t care. I’m willing to bet you haven’t been talking to Saeran about this since he’s being… well, possessive is the only word I can think of.”

 

Zifeara huffed and relaxed into the contact. Saeyoung was a good brother. “I haven’t, no. I get that he doesn’t want to share, but now that I’ve decided I _want_ to meet my Original, it’s got me kind of anxious all the time. I don’t know why this happened so suddenly, but I’m thinking about him a lot and and am just always antsy. Sometimes I get… kinda like that feeling someone is watching you but I look around and no one is? I don’t know how else to explain it.”

 

The redhead nodded and thought for a moment, absentmindedly rubbing circles into her side with one of his hands. She swore his fingers always had to be doing something. “You know, maybe that’s happening because you’re an empath too. I’ve been doing research-”

 

“Because of course you have.”

 

“-because of course I have and I think you might be Seeking.”

 

Turning slightly to look over her shoulder at him, Zifeara raised a brow. “I’m what now?”

 

He grinned. “Seeking. Some empaths start to actively feel when they’re close to their soulmates and their Bond starts to give them signs, trying to actually _find_ their mate. You might be passing within range of each other when you feel like that and your soul is calling to him. Not saying that’s for sure what it is, but it could explain this; you want to find him so bad that you’re trying to without trying to. In a way.”

 

Huh. All that made her think of was one instance in particular that she had yet to find even a half plausible explanation for. Wriggling out of her brother’s arms, she wandered back over to her school bag where she’d left it by the door, rummaging around for her personal sketchbook. Being careful to avoid crushing Saeyoung but flopping back down on the couch, she flipped through pages till she found the still unfinished sketch she’d been doing before her Original didn’t show.

 

“What’s that?” Saeyoung sat up and peered over her shoulder.

 

Zifeara shook her head. “More like who and I wish I could tell you. I just started drawing this the other night waiting for my Original and I have no idea who I was making. Maybe you’re onto something, Choi.”

 

She was an empath, sure, but she was above all else a Pigmentopath. If she had learned anything working for Michael doing the shady shit they did, it was that sometimes your gut was smarter than your brain. If that was true, the soul was the smartest, strongest part of a human being. Setting her book open and on the table, she took the pencil out of its holder and took a deep breath. Saeyoung was silent beside her, but she could feel him still, his presence a general distraction as always.

She thought about her soulmate. No not Saeran, though she had a few sketches of him in here, her Original. She focused on the Bond they shared and the energy she felt when he would write to her. There was no easy way to explain how he felt, but his energy was different from Saeran’s. Gentler. Less of a deep thrum like plucking the string on a bass and more a soft hum like drawing a bow lightly across a violin. She could feel the vibrations of both as they resonated in her chest, but she focused on the less prominent sound. The more she really listened, the more complex it felt. Like maybe it was a cross between a violin and a harp. How it sounded like both at the same time she wasn’t sure, but it was getting easier to pick out its color.

Zifeara defined Saeran as a harsh red, sort of the color of fresh blood. He was a strong, vibrant color and was overbearing and consuming when blended with another. She had asked him if he could do that for her and after some thought, he defined her as a sort of mulberry; hints of the deep purple that ran through her eyes mixed with a deeper red than his own, dark and distinct but at the same time soothing and safe.

The color of her Original bled in slowly as she listened and felt, moving from a greyish to a dull periwinkle to a more pronounced hue. Sky blue. Bright and brilliant, cheerful and reassuring. It wasn’t a color she was expecting honestly and as soon as it flashed behind her eyelids, she jumped, snapping her back into the real world.

 

“Zifeara…”

 

Turning her head she found Saeyoung staring wide eyed at the table in front of them. His tone had been a mix of confusion and caution and upon looking down, she could see why. It would appear that Seeking might work differently for Pigmentopaths than anyone else. Her sketch was finished.

 

“You… you’ve got to be shitting me…” She hadn’t actually thought that would work, but now that it had...

 

Between the intentionally messy hair, wide doe-like eyes, chipper grin, and soft features, there was no mistaking who this was now. The longer she stared, the longer the silence between her and her friend wore on. There was no way she could have done this by accident.

 

“S-Saeyoung… what kind of Bond does Yoosung have…?”

 

The redhead swallowed harshly. “He’s a Pigmentopath too.”

 

Okay, there was an easy way to solve this. She just had to be calm for approximately 90 seconds. “Give me your phone, Saeyoung.”

 

“Huh? Whyyyyy...?” He knew he should be nervous of her plots, but at the same time, this was kind of important.

 

“Because I think Yoosung Kim might be my Original and I know how to find out for sure.”

 

***

 

**From: Saeyoung**

**Hey hey yo. What are you doing this week? Want to hang out?**

 

**To: Saeyoung**

**Uh, I’m not too busy on Friday if you want?**

 

**From: Saeyoung**

**Lolol, awesome, sounds like a plan! Pick a time after 4pm cause I have class :3**

 

**To: Saeyoung**

**5 sound good?**

 

**From: Saeyoung**

**Yep, see you then!**

 

Well, at least he had something to do with his weekend now. He could stay at Saeyoung’s Friday night and do homework Saturday night, leaving his Sunday open for studying. And LOLOL. Looking at his arm, Yoosung sighed. His soulmate didn’t have time to see him still and it was really starting to bum him out.

Closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair, he relaxed, letting his mind wander. The more he thought about her lately, the more he could swear that he just… felt her. It wasn’t the same as how she felt when she was drawing, more of just a passive presence. She was a rhythm coming from somewhere inside him and if he listen close enough, he could swear it sounded like music; some kind of drum perfectly timed to the beat of his heart, deep and steady. He wasn’t sure how he could differentiate her from his heartbeat, but he just could.

Focusing on the rhythm and less on his own sound, if he did it just right it would sometimes change pitch and play a different song, which he liked to pretend coincided with how she was feeling at the moment. It was sappy and probably untrue, but eh. He hadn’t noticed he could do this until just these last couple of weeks, so now he was obsessed with it. Focusing on her everchanging rhythm helped him sleep at night. It made him feel less bad about pretty much everything. It grounded him and honestly… if she beat alongside his heart, he felt less like he was alone and more like she really would love him no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate to say it, but things only get worse from here for a little while ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
